We live in a twisted world, where purity and innocence are despised and made fun of. A world where a woman can accuse a man of anything, and we have to believe her not because of the evidence provided, but because she is a woman. With one click of the TV remote, we can find talk shows, sitcoms, and movies that depict men as dummies, being led around by the whiles of some female influence.
Boys are no longer allowed to be boys. They are discouraged from getting dirty or being loud. They are taught that not only can a girl do anything a boy does, but girls can do it better. Boys no longer have confidence in who they were created to be, so they grow up confused and lazy, sometimes amounting to nothing. They live in their parent’s basements playing video games for a living. Not living a real life, but an alternate reality, where they can be anything they want to be without ridicule.
Few are the homes where wives respect their husbands, and husbands cherish their wives. Children are given a place of eminence, creating discord, and conflict between parents. Men are no longer leaders, and if they do try to lead, they are belittled and publicly humiliated.
Standing in the middle of this “dumbing down” of men in society is the Christian wife. Exactly how can a Christian wife love her husband while living in a feminist culture?
As of today, my husband and I have been married for 19 years. Our story is one I love to tell, and one that has been blessed with God’s grace. The strong and happy marriage my husband and I enjoy today is not because we followed a certain set of rules, but because we both chose to follow the path that Christ set before us in our marriage. Some of this path we’ve walked these last 19 years was a little rocky. There have been days I wondered if I still loved my husband. There were even moments when I wanted to throw a fit and walk out the door! However, with each difficulty we faced, my husband and I chose to humble ourselves, not just to each other, but to God. And here we are today, by God’s grace, celebrating 19 happy years!
I would like to share with you what I have learned about loving my husband when the world around me is seemingly going in the opposite direction.
5 ways you can love your husband while living in a feminist culture:
Use the Word of God as your marriage manual. The most important lesson I have learned in 19 years of marriage, is that the Bible needs to be our go-to-guide for marriage. Wives, we need to be careful that we are not allowing ourselves to be influenced by worldly doctrines. In other words, don’t count on the latest edition of Family Circle, or Brides to clue you in on how to love your husband!
From the latest Hollywood couples to the most recent romance movies, everyone has their eyes glued to the “stars” when it comes to defining love. Did you know, that in Orange County (home to Hollywood), the divorce rate is highest in the nation? So who is everyone in Hollywood going to when looking for help with their marriage? Well, many of them are going to Dr. John M. Gottman, the best selling author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman is one of America’s most influential therapists, and his work has been nationally recognized by major media outlets across the globe. Yet, did you know that the most renowned authority on marriage was married 3 times?
Another famous doctor that America loves to turn to for marital advice is TV icon, Dr. Phil. Known for publicly counseling couples whose marriages are on the brink of divorce, Dr. Phil claims he has a “formula for making any marriage work”. Many American’s would be surprised to know that their beloved doctor is not an actual licensed or practicing doctor, and has been married twice!
Dear Christian Wife, we should not be looking at the rich or famous to tell us how to love our husbands. We should be looking to the One who created and established the first marriage in human history! (Genesis 2:21-25) God has promised that if we ask for wisdom on any matter, He will give it to us.
“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” – James 1:5
Have a personal relationship with God that is separate from your husband. Every day for the last 19 years, I have watched my husband get up well before the sun rises. He makes himself a huge cup of coffee and sits down with his Bible. When he is finished with his reading, he finds a corner in the house where no one can bother him and prays before going to work. Then, every evening before bed, my husband takes my hand, and we both kneel together in prayer. I truly believe that I am living a blessed life today because of my husband’s faithfulness to God! He has had a steady relationship with the Lord, that has only grown as the years have passed.
Somehow, in the early years and craziness of having 4 children and walking around in a constant state of exhaustion, I had grown to depend on my husband’s relationship with God to get me through. I was casting all my cares at my husband’s feet when he walked in the door after work, and not at the feet of Jesus! I had to explain every detail of everything bad in my day. Not only did I have to explain every detail, but I also had to make sure he felt just as miserable as I did! Why did I do this? Because I had somehow allowed my own personal relationship with God to slip. I assumed that because my husband was doing right and had a relationship with God, it would cover up my own unfaithfulness.
“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7
Wives, in order to love our husbands, especially in this feminist culture we live in today, we need to have a strong relationship with God. We can not fully love our husbands if we don’t first love the Lord! Leaning on our husbands for our spiritual well-being will only give us tired and resentful husbands. When we focus on a personal relationship with God, we become stronger wives, capable of loving our husbands the way God intended us to.
“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” – Proverbs 27:15
“…the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.” – Proverbs 19:13b
Respect your husband with your words. By worldly standards, we are taught to respect all races, cultures, and genders – except men. We are pretty much told that men are pigs and that we don’t have to respect them.
Coco Chanel, French designer, and businesswoman in the early 1900s was quoted as saying, “as long as you know most men are like children, you know everything.”
Brigitte Bardot, fashion model, actress, and one of the best-known sex symbols of the 1950s and ’60s was quoted as saying, “men are beasts, and even beasts don’t behave as they do.”
American singer and actress, Cher, once said, “the trouble with some woman is that they get all excited over nothing – and then marry him.”
These are just a few of many examples of public man-bashing that has desensitized women over the last century. Women are so used to this mindset, in fact, that it has crept into our Christian homes.
Wives, we can love our husbands in a feminist world-gone-crazy, by respecting our husbands when we talk about them. Respecting our husbands doesn’t mean we give up our freedom to voice our opinions from time to time. It doesn’t mean we become slaves to their every whim and desire.
Respect means to hold someone in high regard. What does your husband do well? These are the things you should say in front of your friends when you get together for a girls night out! What are the qualities about your husband that drew you to him? These are the qualities you should point out to your children, mother or sister. In 1 Peter chapter 3, Peter admonishes Christian wives to have “chaste” conversations. A chaste conversation is a conversation that is pure in thought. We can’t have chaste conversations while bashing our husbands behind their backs! Wives, we can love our husbands by respecting them with our words!
“…while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” – 1 Peter 1: 2
Don’t try to change him. How many women go into a marriage thinking they can change their husbands? I’m raising my hand! When I was dating my husband, I thought I would be able to get him to change his sense of style. I didn’t get too bent out of shape over his rolled up long sleeved shirts or his white socks with black shoes, because I really believed I would get him to change once we were married. That definitely didn’t happen!
The world today is all about changing men from being what God created them to be, into something that fits into the crazy ideas of feminist culture. Men who attempt to change their gender are applauded and held in high regard. Society wants men to be emotional and gentle, with no deep passions or standards. A man who is passionate about his freedom, guns, or God is no longer politically correct. Wives, we can love our husbands by not trying to change them from what they were created to be. Trying to change your husband to be anything less than the man God put in him, will make for an unhappy and unhealthy marriage.
God made men to be strong protectors and providers. They were created to take care of their wives and children. What are your husband’s strengths? Those strengths are God-given and should be applauded, not discouraged. Wives, let’s encourage our husbands to be men!
“Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.” – 1 Corinthians 16:13
Realize that your husband is not a mind reader. That was the only request my husband made of me before we said our vows. He was afraid I would expect him to know what I was thinking or feeling without having to tell him. He asked that instead of getting angry or hurt that he didn’t pick up on my hints or clues, that I would just be straight up with him and tell him what was going on.
Part of the recent feminist movement today is that women are right because they are women. They want society to ignore the idea that facts must be provided before a man is hauled off to jail. In so doing, we often exchange truth for emotions and ruin innocent lives.
Wives, we can love our husbands in this mixed up society by not expecting our husbands to read our minds. As nice as it would be to have our husbands emotionally in tune with our feelings, that is not realistic. If you are upset with your husband for something he has said or done, calmly present the facts to him.
In these perilous days we live in, the line between what is worldly and what is godly can easily become blurred. Feminism runs so strong, that Christian wives are forgetting how to love their husbands. Recent statistics show that of Christians who attend church regularly, a whopping 38% end in divorce. That is only a %12 percent difference by national standards! Dear Christian wives, let’s work on being a light to the world. Let’s work on having happier marriages. Let’s love our husbands!