Our Miracle Story: When my Doctor Told Me to Abort My Baby

My husband and I love to tell our 3rd child, Bryce, that he is our miracle baby.  His story is one of many being told today, where a mother chooses life over a doctors suggestion.  Where the possibility of a handicapped baby or a mother’s possible death pales in comparison to the hope of life!

We had been trying for over 2 years to get pregnant.  I had just received a second opinion from an OB who’s exact words were “to be happy that you already have 2 children.  You probably will never have any more.”  The diagnosis was PCOS.

For months, I struggled with my roller-coaster emotions.  With each friend that announced a new pregnancy, my heart would secretly break.  I began to feel guilty for my sorrow, as I knew several other women who had been waiting for many years to get pregnant, while I already had 2 precious little ones!

One day, I had gone to the eye doctor for a routine eye appointment.  My vision had been giving me trouble, and I expected that my 20/20 vision had changed.  My “routine” appointment dramatically took a turn for the worse when the ophthalmologist noticed that my optic nerves were swelled.  After seeing several specialists, and having several tests, I was finally diagnosed with Pseudotumor-cerebri (PTC).  I was given medication and warned that if it didn’t work, I would need to have a shunt surgically placed into my brain.

“Oh yeah, and don’t get pregnant,” one specialist had warned.  “It is very dangerous for a patient with Pseudotumor-cerebri to get pregnant.”

“No chance of that”, I muttered under my breath.

Except, about two weeks later, I was holding a pregnancy test with two purple lines!

My husband and I were so happy to be pregnant with our 3rd child, yet, we were also so terrified.  I went immediately to my OB-GYN, who began to routinely warn me of the dangers of this pregnancy with each visit.  I hated every appointment, and always left afraid and depressed.

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Pregnancy brain began to kick in, and I found myself doing goofy things, like putting the phone away in the freezer!  Most of the time it was funny.  However, one forgetful incident changed everything.

At about 4 months along, my OB-GYN had sent me to the University of Michigan to see one of her colleagues who was a Maternal-fetal Medicine Specialist (MFM).  Unfortunately, I had written the time down wrong, and showed up 2 hours late, missing my appointment.  This seemingly humorous error was the cause of a later conversation with my OB-GYN that I will never forget.

Sitting on the uncomfortable table, I pulled the too-small hospital gown over my pregnant belly.  The doctor’s voice was droning on and on, and I struggled to understand what she was saying.

“You aren’t understanding what I am saying, are you,” the doctor asked me.

“Sorry,” I said.  “I’m really trying.  You’re saying that during the delivery, you would choose my life and safety over my baby’s?”

Pulling her chair closer to me, she folded her hands neatly into her lap.  Sighing, she bluntly said, “your life is at risk.”  Pulling a few papers out of her medical file, she handed them to me.

“Read these when you go home.  You need to have a c-section because you have already had 2 children by cesarian.  Your uterus has a very high chance of rupturing if I were to deliver this baby vaginally.  Giving birth naturally is not an option for you.”

“Right, I got that.  I have no problem with another c-section.”

“There is a very high chance you could die on the operating table.”

I blinked.  “What?”

“If I were to give you general anesthesia, you could harm your baby, and the anesthesia could make your condition much worse.  If I were to give you a spinal block, the sudden release of spinal fluid could cause your brain to collapse.  I know this is hard for you to hear.  It is in situations like this, that I strongly urge my patients to consider choosing their own life over their pregnancy.  Having Pseudotumor-cerebri while you’re pregnant is nothing to mess around with.  All of my medical books are telling me this is a very serious matter.”

I blinked again.

The doctor flipped the file closed. “On top of the risks to yourself personally, you are taking a “class c” medication, and that could be very harmful to your baby.  We just don’t know enough about how this medication can affect a fetus.  There are not enough studies.  You are taking a very serious chance by following through with this pregnancy.”

My mouth flew open, “wait, what?  What do you mean by ‘following through?'”

“I am strongly encouraging you to consider your own life right now.  This isn’t the time for you to be having a baby, not while you are struggling with your own health.”

“You mean, I should get an abortion,” I asked?

“You are already a mother of two children.  You need to take care of yourself so you can continue to take care of them.”

“I am going to give birth to this child.  That is the only option I am willing to talk about with you,” I retorted.

“I don’t believe you understand how serious your condition is, and now you have missed your appointment with the MFM specialist.  I can no longer be your doctor, Mrs. Nehmer.  I’m sorry.”

And with that, I was alone.  Scared.  Angry.  In disbelief.  She wanted me to abort my child?  She wanted me to abort my child!  And now I didn’t have a doctor.  And I was 4 months pregnant.  Devastated, I sobbed all the way home, where I then called my sister.  It would be all right, she said.  She knew of a great doctor.  She wasn’t taking on new patients, but let’s see if she will make an exception.

The new doctor was a breath of fresh air!   Because of my medical condition, and the medication I was taking, I had to see my new doctor every few weeks.  I also had to see another MFM specialist (this time I didn’t mix up the times).  My new doctor was so calm and very hopeful.  She talked through my fears and encouraged me at every appointment.  She assured me that my old doctor had been using out-dated medical books and that there were new studies being done showing women with PTC were able to deliver very healthy babies, and live to talk about it!

“You can do this,” she would exclaim with a smile!

The morning of September 16, 2008, dawned bright and sunny.  Making sure my mom was settled in to watch our two children, my husband and I went to the hospital.  A few hours later, I gripped a nurses hand as an anesthesiologist prepped my lower spine for the dreaded spinal block.  Because of the high-risk delivery, there were extra doctors and nurses standing around, ready for an emergency.  Except, there was none.  Within minutes, my husband and I heard a tiny cry.  Tears streamed down our faces as doctors congratulated us.  We had a healthy baby boy!

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Today, I cringe to wonder what life would be like without Bryce.  His boyishly shy presence is a blessing to our family.  At 10 years of age, Bryce has a passion for playing the trumpet and violin.  He is learning to play basketball and loves to write stories and build elaborate Lego sets.  I can’t help but mourn for those families who are missing a child like my son, Bryce.  Families who listened to a doctor play God, and lost hope, robbing themselves of God’s miracles!

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HOW TO BE A BUSY (TIRED) MOM AND STILL HAVE QUIET TIME WITH GOD

No matter what phase of life you are in, rolling out of bed is not always an easy task. Let’s face it. The alarm clock can easily become a means of venting your frustration by hitting the snooze button as hard as you can! If you have kids under the age of 5, an alarm clock is not even necessary, as you’re more likely to be awakened by the wails of a crying baby or the tug of chubby little hands, than you are the sound of a buzzer! Once you finally get out of bed, the rest of the morning can be a blur!

Does this morning struggle sound familiar to you? Then so must this question: “how can I possibly have quiet time with God?”

I asked that question so many times during my earlier adult years! Four kids and 17 years later, here is what I finally learned.

Get out of bed. Just do it. It took me years to finally accept that no matter how hard I tried, I would not crack my Bible open on a consistent basis unless I got up earlier than I already was. For a couple of years, that meant I was rolling out of bed at 5:30! (These days my kids have healthier sleep habits, and that means extra zzz’s for me!) You won’t get to read your Bible or have time in prayer if you don’t plan to get up earlier than you are right now!

Prepare the night before.  There’s nothing like getting cozy in your chair, open Bible in your lap, only to glance in the corner of your living room at the baskets of laundry needing to be folded!  Being an A-type personality, I tend to struggle sitting down for 30 minutes of quiet time with God if there are things waiting to be done. That’s why it’s so important to prepare for your morning with God the night before. Set your timer for 15 minutes before bed, and get those distractions out of your way!  Doing so will give you a good feeling when you settle in your chair to meet with God.

Make some GOOD coffee! I used to HATE coffee.  However, right after my third child was born I was starting to resemble a walking zombie!  I had a desire to spend time with God in the mornings, but I could barely get through 10 minutes of reading before I was nodding off to sleep in my chair.  I knew I wouldn’t grow in the Lord unless something changed.  So one morning, after I dropped my older kids off to school, I stopped at Meijer.  I bought a Bunn coffee maker, and everything I needed to make coffee, including a fancy chocolate creamer.  After that, I began to look forward to my mornings!  There is nothing like sitting down with an open Bible in one hand and a freshly home-brewed cup of bold Starbucks coffee in the other!

Make a “spot”.  Spending mornings with God can be easier if you have a “spot” that is only for that purpose.  I have claimed a seat in my living room that has an end table nearby.  I keep my Bible, prayer journal, and whatever devotional I’m currently using, in a neat pile on this table along with some pens, and highlighters.  This way, everything I need is within easy reach.  Throwing a comfy pillow and soft blanket into your chair is an added bonus for comfort. Loving the place you will be meeting with God is essential for success!

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR BEST-LAID PLANS FAIL

Let’s face it.  If you have kids, you can’t always have plans!  Did your kids decide they were going to get up an hour earlier with you?  Did your baby wake you up every hour all night long?  It’s OK.  Relax!  You are not out of God’s will if you need to feed your children or get another hour of sleep! Here are three things you can do when your plans for Quiet Time with God, fail.

1 – “Listen” to your Bible. When your kids are happily playing, and your baby is finally snoozing, but it’s time for you to get working, plug in your earbuds and listen to your Bible!  There are several Bible apps out there, but my favorite is YouVersion.  There were many mornings when my children were younger, that I had to listen to the Bible, rather than read it.

2 – Read in the evenings. Exchange that mug of coffee for a cup of tea!  Once you’ve put the kids to bed, and the lights are turned down lower for the evening, devote 30 minutes to your Bible reading.

3 – Don’t give up.  There were times in my younger parenting days, that I could only spend a couple days a week with the Lord.  My heart desired more, and there were days I could feel that I needed more, but I physically could not do more.  When you are in this stage of life, it is important to not be hard on yourself, it WILL get better!  It is also important to not give up your goals!  As your children grow, they need to see mommy reading her Bible, even if it’s not every day.  Eventually, they will be old enough to ask, “hey mom, do you think it would be OK if I read my Bible with you in the mornings?”  Um, YES!

 

How to Love Your Husband while Living in a Feminist Culture

We live in a twisted world, where purity and innocence are despised and made fun of. A world where a woman can accuse a man of anything, and we have to believe her not because of the evidence provided, but because she is a woman. With one click of the TV remote, we can find talk shows, sitcoms, and movies that depict men as dummies, being led around by the whiles of some female influence.

Boys are no longer allowed to be boys. They are discouraged from getting dirty or being loud. They are taught that not only can a girl do anything a boy does, but girls can do it better. Boys no longer have confidence in who they were created to be, so they grow up confused and lazy, sometimes amounting to nothing. They live in their parent’s basements playing video games for a living. Not living a real life, but an alternate reality, where they can be anything they want to be without ridicule.

Few are the homes where wives respect their husbands, and husbands cherish their wives. Children are given a place of eminence, creating discord, and conflict between parents. Men are no longer leaders, and if they do try to lead, they are belittled and publicly humiliated.

Standing in the middle of this “dumbing down” of men in society is the Christian wife. Exactly how can a Christian wife love her husband while living in a feminist culture?

As of today, my husband and I have been married for 19 years. Our story is one I love to tell, and one that has been blessed with God’s grace. The strong and happy marriage my husband and I enjoy today is not because we followed a certain set of rules, but because we both chose to follow the path that Christ set before us in our marriage. Some of this path we’ve walked these last 19 years was a little rocky. There have been days I wondered if I still loved my husband. There were even moments when I wanted to throw a fit and walk out the door! However, with each difficulty we faced, my husband and I chose to humble ourselves, not just to each other, but to God. And here we are today, by God’s grace, celebrating 19 happy years!

I would like to share with you what I have learned about loving my husband when the world around me is seemingly going in the opposite direction.

5 ways you can love your husband while living in a feminist culture:

Use the Word of God as your marriage manual. The most important lesson I have learned in 19 years of marriage, is that the Bible needs to be our go-to-guide for marriage. Wives, we need to be careful that we are not allowing ourselves to be influenced by worldly doctrines. In other words, don’t count on the latest edition of Family Circle, or Brides to clue you in on how to love your husband!

From the latest Hollywood couples to the most recent romance movies, everyone has their eyes glued to the “stars” when it comes to defining love. Did you know, that in Orange County (home to Hollywood), the divorce rate is highest in the nation? So who is everyone in Hollywood going to when looking for help with their marriage? Well, many of them are going to Dr. John M. Gottman, the best selling author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman is one of America’s most influential therapists, and his work has been nationally recognized by major media outlets across the globe. Yet, did you know that the most renowned authority on marriage was married 3 times?

Another famous doctor that America loves to turn to for marital advice is TV icon, Dr. Phil. Known for publicly counseling couples whose marriages are on the brink of divorce, Dr. Phil claims he has a “formula for making any marriage work”. Many American’s would be surprised to know that their beloved doctor is not an actual licensed or practicing doctor, and has been married twice!

Dear Christian Wife, we should not be looking at the rich or famous to tell us how to love our husbands. We should be looking to the One who created and established the first marriage in human history! (Genesis 2:21-25) God has promised that if we ask for wisdom on any matter, He will give it to us.

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” – James 1:5

Have a personal relationship with God that is separate from your husband. Every day for the last 19 years, I have watched my husband get up well before the sun rises. He makes himself a huge cup of coffee and sits down with his Bible. When he is finished with his reading, he finds a corner in the house where no one can bother him and prays before going to work. Then, every evening before bed, my husband takes my hand, and we both kneel together in prayer.  I truly believe that I am living a blessed life today because of my husband’s faithfulness to God!  He has had a steady relationship with the Lord, that has only grown as the years have passed.

Somehow, in the early years and craziness of having 4 children and walking around in a constant state of exhaustion, I had grown to depend on my husband’s relationship with God to get me through.  I was casting all my cares at my husband’s feet when he walked in the door after work, and not at the feet of Jesus!  I had to explain every detail of everything bad in my day.  Not only did I have to explain every detail, but I also had to make sure he felt just as miserable as I did! Why did I do this?  Because I had somehow allowed my own personal relationship with God to slip. I assumed that because my husband was doing right and had a relationship with God, it would cover up my own unfaithfulness.

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7

Wives, in order to love our husbands, especially in this feminist culture we live in today, we need to have a strong relationship with God.  We can not fully love our husbands if we don’t first love the Lord!  Leaning on our husbands for our spiritual well-being will only give us tired and resentful husbands.  When we focus on a personal relationship with God, we become stronger wives, capable of loving our husbands the way God intended us to.

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” – Proverbs 27:15

“…the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.” – Proverbs 19:13b

Respect your husband with your words.  By worldly standards, we are taught to respect all races, cultures, and genders – except men.  We are pretty much told that men are pigs and that we don’t have to respect them.

Coco Chanel, French designer, and businesswoman in the early 1900s was quoted as saying, “as long as you know most men are like children, you know everything.”

Brigitte Bardot, fashion model, actress, and one of the best-known sex symbols of the 1950s and ’60s was quoted as saying, “men are beasts, and even beasts don’t behave as they do.”

American singer and actress, Cher, once said, “the trouble with some woman is that they get all excited over nothing – and then marry him.”

These are just a few of many examples of public man-bashing that has desensitized women over the last century.  Women are so used to this mindset, in fact, that it has crept into our Christian homes.

Wives, we can love our husbands in a feminist world-gone-crazy, by respecting our husbands when we talk about them.  Respecting our husbands doesn’t mean we give up our freedom to voice our opinions from time to time.  It doesn’t mean we become slaves to their every whim and desire.

Respect means to hold someone in high regard. What does your husband do well?  These are the things you should say in front of your friends when you get together for a girls night out!  What are the qualities about your husband that drew you to him?  These are the qualities you should point out to your children, mother or sister.   In 1 Peter chapter 3, Peter admonishes Christian wives to have “chaste” conversations.  A chaste conversation is a conversation that is pure in thought.  We can’t have chaste conversations while bashing our husbands behind their backs!  Wives, we can love our husbands by respecting them with our words!

“…while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” – 1 Peter 1: 2

Don’t try to change him.  How many women go into a marriage thinking they can change their husbands?  I’m raising my hand!  When I was dating my husband, I thought I would be able to get him to change his sense of style.  I didn’t get too bent out of shape over his rolled up long sleeved shirts or his white socks with black shoes, because I really believed I would get him to change once we were married.  That definitely didn’t happen!

The world today is all about changing men from being what God created them to be, into something that fits into the crazy ideas of feminist culture.  Men who attempt to change their gender are applauded and held in high regard.  Society wants men to be emotional and gentle, with no deep passions or standards.  A man who is passionate about his freedom, guns, or God is no longer politically correct.  Wives, we can love our husbands by not trying to change them from what they were created to be.  Trying to change your husband to be anything less than the man God put in him, will make for an unhappy and unhealthy marriage.

God made men to be strong protectors and providers.  They were created to take care of their wives and children.  What are your husband’s strengths?  Those strengths are God-given and should be applauded, not discouraged.  Wives, let’s encourage our husbands to be men!

“Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.” –  1 Corinthians 16:13

Realize that your husband is not a mind reader.  That was the only request my husband made of me before we said our vows.  He was afraid I would expect him to know what I was thinking or feeling without having to tell him.  He asked that instead of getting angry or hurt that he didn’t pick up on my hints or clues, that I would just be straight up with him and tell him what was going on.

Part of the recent feminist movement today is that women are right because they are women. They want society to ignore the idea that facts must be provided before a man is hauled off to jail.  In so doing, we often exchange truth for emotions and ruin innocent lives.

Wives, we can love our husbands in this mixed up society by not expecting our husbands to read our minds.  As nice as it would be to have our husbands emotionally in tune with our feelings, that is not realistic.  If you are upset with your husband for something he has said or done, calmly present the facts to him.

In these perilous days we live in, the line between what is worldly and what is godly can easily become blurred. Feminism runs so strong, that Christian wives are forgetting how to love their husbands.  Recent statistics show that of Christians who attend church regularly, a whopping 38% end in divorce.  That is only a %12 percent difference by national standards!  Dear Christian wives, let’s work on being a light to the world.  Let’s work on having happier marriages.  Let’s love our husbands!

Why 40 Looks Good

I’m not gonna lie. Turning 40 is something I have dreaded since my youth. There’s just something that doesn’t sit well with me over the realization that my life is now half over! And of course, I’ve heard the stories of waking up with aches and pains and the gray hairs that will start appearing in abundance!

I’m turning 40 next week.

Yay me!! (complete sarcasm)

Seriously though. Despite the concerns mentioned above, 40 actually seems less frightful these days. In fact, I see many benefits of turning the big 4-0!

Why is 40 looking so good?

I know who I am. In a world where everyone is trying to find themselves, I have peace with who I am! I’ve finally accepted the fact I will probably never be the size I was before I had kids. I’m OK with that. I’m OK with the fact that I’m not a sporty person. I’ll probably never voluntarily run a 5K marathon. I’m OK with the fact that I’m not good at decorating, sewing, or doing crafts. That’s OK! I know what I am good at. I love to cook. I love to read and write. I can clean and organize pretty well. I love leisurely walks, coffee, ice cream, and laughing with friends. I adore my husband and kids. 40 means I don’t sweat what I’m not good at, I just embrace what I love!

I don’t care what people think about me anymore. OK, I say this knowing I do care. I just don’t care as much as I used to! If I find that someone else thinks poorly of me, I might agonize over it for a bit. But then I turn to God and ask Him what He thinks. I ask that He reveal my sin to me. I confess it and forsake it – and move on! 40 means that pleasing God matters more than pleasing my peers!

I have more confidence. Come on now, I’ve been around for 40 years! I know a little bit more than I did 20 years ago. No, I’m not an expert, but I no longer need to call my mom or sisters for advice on keeping house or making meals. In fact, people now ask me for advice! If I’m asked to help someone organize or clean, I know exactly how I want to do it, and I confidently go in a get it done. 40 means that experience has given me confidence!

I know who my friends are. Somewhere in the last few years, I noticed that my friendships have changed. I don’t know if it was time and trials that drew us closer together, or that I had just matured, but there has been less drama between my friends and I. The friendships I have, seem to have become more precious. Each new friendship that enters my life, holds a special place in my heart. 40 means you have more friends than ever!

God means more to me now. Walking daily with the Lord means you will draw closer to Him over time. My Heavenly Father has brought me through many difficult times over the years, and through each difficulty, God has drawn me a little more closer to His side. My walk with Him is sweeter, and I now recognize my Shepherds voice. 40 means peace with my Savior!

So yes, some 40-year-olds start having a little more health difficulties. I’m presently waiting in my doctor’s office for a check-up on my high blood-pressure! And yes, I recently got my hair cut short and highlighted to cover the gray. But you know what? I feel that I’m in the prime of my life, and I’ve decide that 40 looks pretty good!

“The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.” – Proverbs 16:31

“With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding.” – Job 12:12

You Matter to God

I’m a city girl. I find comfort in the sound of rumbling trucks, car horns, and trains. Kids playing, dogs barking, and neighbors fighting are often heard through my open windows. Sometimes, on foggy mornings, I can even hear large ship horns from Lake Erie. At night, streetlights cast their glow across my front window, and I’m OK with that. I’m a city girl, and for me, this is “normal”.

My husband, however, is from a remote town in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Ontonagon is located on the shores of Lake Superior and home to the beautiful Porcupine Mountains. The first time Gabe brought me to his home-town, I was amazed at how quiet it was. There were no traffic jams or busy streets. No police sirens echoing off of tall city buildings. And it was clean. Despite the moving water on Lake Superior, I could see all the way down to the bottom of the lake. The water was crystal clear. At night, it was so dark outside, I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. The biggest difference between living in the city and living in the country was when I looked up at the sky. The stars! I had no idea there were that many stars in the sky! The more I gazed into the sky, the more stars I saw, and I realized there were layers upon layers of them. I felt very small and insignificant!

Have you ever been struck at the wonder of a beautiful mountain range or the powerful sound of a waterfall? Maybe you’ve looked up at the vast number of stars in amazement or stopped to enjoy the cheerful sound of birds outside your window. How many majestic sunrises or sunsets have you watched with appreciation?

“The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.”

– Psalms 19:1

The same God that created all of the earth’s astounding beauty, created you. Have you ever stopped to wonder how the Creator of all things in existence, views you?

God thinks you are beautiful. Scripture tells us that God created all things beautiful. How dare we criticize ourselves for things we can not change! It really doesn’t matter what we think about ourselves, God thinks His creation is perfect. (“And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.” – Genesis 1:31) Don’t criticize the size of your feet or the shape of your nose. Stop hating the color of your hair or the sound of your voice. In doing so, you are criticizing God’s masterpiece!

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time”

– Ecclesiastes 3:11a

God thinks of you all the time. Why is it so easy for us to believe that God doesn’t really care about us? There are days we wonder if God even knows we exist. Yet the psalmist tells us that God thinks of us as often as the grains of sand on the earth. Do you know how many grains of sand there are on the earth?! Scientists estimate there are over seven quintillion, five hundred quadrillion grains of sand on the earth. Umm…I can’t even write that number on paper. I think it’s safe to say, that God thinks of you in His every waking moment. Which, by the way, God doesn’t sleep. (“Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.” – Psalm 121:4)

“How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand.”

– Psalms 139:17 & 18

God thinks you are 1 in billion. Stop and think about it. There are over 7 billion people on the earth today. Yet, God takes the time to know every little detail about you. He knew your name before you were born (Jerimiah 1:5), He formed you specifically while you were in your mothers womb (Isaiah 44:24), He knows when you sit down, stand up, or lie down (Psalms 139:2&3), and He hears every word you say (Pslams 139:4). If that were not enough, God has a book with your name on it where He keeps track of how many fingers you have, and every other little detail about you. (Psalms 139:16)! Oh, and let’s not forget that He collects your tears (Psalms 56:8), counts the hairs on your head (Luke 12:7), and is always watching what you do (Proverbs 15:3). In no way does God find you insignificant!

“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

– Psalms 139:14

God has a purpose for your existence. I don’t think there is a human on this earth that hasn’t ever wondered what their purpose was. The world actually calls it “finding themselves”, but the Bible tells us that we can know exactly what our purpose is. In fact, we don’t even have to go away to find our purpose we just need to read the Word of God! Our main purpose on this earth is to glorify God in every word we say and in every deed we do (Exodus 9:16). Sometimes we go through storms in our lives and we struggle with understanding why God is allowing us to suffer. Yet we know that every trial has a purpose and meaning (Romans 8:28). God does not make mistakes with our lives!

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

– Jerimiah 29:11

God thinks you are priceless. God created this earth, and the heavens. Everything that we find beauty in was the handiwork of our God. Not only that, but God created man and woman and gave all of that beauty to them with just one restriction. Yet, instead of obeying God, man decided to break that one rule. Ever since that day, sin has been passed down through countless generations. It broke God’s heart. He gave man many chances to be forgiven of that sin, but man failed continually. God knew that there could only be one sure way to save His beloved creation, and that was through the blood of His only Son, Jesus Christ. If you want to hear the entire story of God’s plan of redemption, go here.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

– John 3:16

God is not going to leave us alone. No matter how alone you might feel, God never leaves His children. There are days our flesh and the Devil will lie to us, and tell us we are alone and that God doesn’t really care. On those days, we need to trust the Word of God and not our feelings! God is walking in our future, He can be found in our past, and He is in our today, resting His hand on our shoulder. We can never out run God, and we can never hide from Him. No matter how deep our pit is, no matter how far we run, God is with us!

“Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.”

– Psalms 139:5-10

This city girl will never be able to walk a sandy beach again without thinking about God. I will never watch a sunset, or gaze into a starry sky without being amazed at how powerful my God is! When I’m in the depths of despair, and begin to doubt how God really views me, I will not trust my feelings. I will cling to the Word of God and know that God views me as priceless.

When Your Kids Are Along For The Ride

When my husband found out he had colon cancer, he wasn’t sitting in a doctors office. There was no box of tissues nearby for him to grab. His wife wasn’t sitting next to him to take hold of his hand. No comforting words or hand on the shoulder from a doctor. He recieved the results coldly, over the phone by someone who had grown used to passing on bad test results.

I found out the news in a more gentle way. In the privacy of our bedroom, with my husband’s arms around me. My husband’s shirt to dry my tears. My husband’s gentle words to calm my fears.

Our teenagers, however, learned of Daddy’s cancer in an unusual way. My son was listening outside our bedroom door. He, of course, ran down the stairs to share what he had heard with his older sister.

The two of them, not understanding everything, but knowing it was making mom cry, began to finish making dinner and keeping their little brothers quiet.

Many people have asked me over the months how my kids are coping. The first time I was asked this question, I had to take pause. I was so wrapped up in my own feelings, I hadn’t taken the time to see how my kids were really doing. I began to pay close attention.

My fifteen year old daughter has a very laid back personality. Her way of handling daddy’s cancer has been to not think about it. Instead, she has focused on helping me out at home. Many times I have been at the cancer center with my husband and come home to a spotless house and happy little boys. My daughter’s main goal through this valley we are in, has been to make everyone as comfortable as possible. When asked what the hardest part of this journey has been for her, she will say being home all summer. She misses the family outings, having friends over, and our trips out of state.

My thirteen year old son has an A-type personality. He is the most determined person I know! He thinks very deeply, and has a lot of emotion to go along with his thoughts. His way of coping with dad’s cancer is to plan. I have had several conversations with him about the “what ifs” of our family’s future. When my husband and I come home from a long day at the hospital, we usually find that he has organized something. He will have mapped out evening plans for the entire family, and will take it upon himself to make everyone stick to his plan. When asked what has been the most difficult part of this journey, he will say seeing his dad so sick, and not having family outings this summer.

My youngest boys have, for the most part, been unphased by Dad’s cancer. As long as we have family movie nights, games of Battleship and UNO, pizza, and popsicles for the back porch, they are perfectly content. There have been a few moments of needing to ask questions about Daddy’s sickness, but when asked, the only difficulty they could think of is not getting to sleep in a tent this summer!

If you are in a hard place in your life, and have kids along for the ride, here are some truths my husband and I have learned.

1. All kids react to stress differently. Every human being has different personalities, and this includes kids. Some will hold their thoughts and fears inside, others will talk to anyone who will listen. Then there are the kids who don’t seem to notice what’s going on, and are content in their own little world. Study your children and learn how they are coping. Open doors for conversation every now and then, and make sure your kids know they can talk to you at any time.

2. Kids take their cue from their parents. If a parent is afraid or angry about their circumstances, chances are their children will be, too. Little eyes are watching how you deal with stress every day, and will copy what they see. If you are able be joyful despite your circumstances, your kids will be, too. Parents need to be careful on how they talk about things in front of their kids. This doesn’t mean you should hide the truth from your kids. They know something is going on, even if you try to hide it. Be honest with them, but be positive. Always remind your child that God is on your side!

3. Kids can get bitter, too. We learned early on, that our kids NEEDED a life outside the house. When there is a sick family member at home, it is often, that home becomes a dreary and depressing place. We make it a point to do something special with them at least once a week. This can be accomplished by trips to the library, local parks, ice cream shop, and even the YMCA. Our family also has wonderful friends, and my kids have been invited to go along with other families for outings.

4. They want to feel useful. My older son took charge of all outside chores since my husband had his stroke over a year ago. This has been a difficult task as we have a very steep hill in our yard. His determination, however, has helped him persevere in his tasks, and he is now getting attention from our neighbors, and job offers! My younger son’s are always “writing books” for their dad, or giving him “massages”. If your child is a “doer”, give him something that will make him feel that he is contributing to the family.

Lastly, here are some tips on helping your kids through difficult family trials.

1. Have a routine. Our family schedule has for the most part, been pure craziness. I have found, however, that my kids need some routine. I can’t always be there when they wake up, and there have been days I wasn’t there at bedtime. When I am home however, I make it a matter of importance to have our evenings together. I will read a couple of chapters from a book before prayers each night to my little ones. The older ones feel privileged to watch an episode of Start Treck with us before bed. Every child needs some order in their day, even during the hardest valley.

2. Pray with them often. Kids need to hear their parents talk to God. They need to hear the emotions and fears that are daily laid at the feet of Jesus. They need to feel God’s presence in their family and home.

3. Use scripture. My younger son has always struggled with fear, for as long as I can remember. He doesn’t like to be alone in any room of our house, and he is easily frightened by many things. My husband’s poor health the last two years seems to have slightly intensifed his fears. After many talks, and times of prayer with him, I recently discovered that scripture gives him the most comfort. He has a favorite verse we memorized together, and he recently asked if we could hang it up in his room.

4. Focus on making memories more than having fun. The biggest lesson I have learned with my kids, is that even fun can be forgotten. They are not going to remember every movie, every ice cream cone, or even every trip to the park. This realization has changed my planning to some extent. Now, every outing is all of us together. No one has opportunity to be home alone- there are plenty of other times for that. Also, to my entire families dismay, I take a LOT more pictures.

There is no perfect answer or laid-out plan on helping your kids walk through a valley with you. As a parent, the best thing that you can do for your kids is to be right with God. Your kids will see the comfort and the peace that God gives you in the valley, and you will be able to show them the way to God even in the midst of trials.

Aged Woman, I am Watching You

Having just tucked my two little charges into bed, I rounded the corner into the living room. I stopped suddenly at the scene unfolding before me.

Standing on her tip-toes, the woman reached up and gave her husband a kiss. He touched her cheek with his hand, and they both shared a special smile, as they gazed into each other’s eyes. He whispered something in her ear, and her cheeks turned rosy.

I’m not sure how old I was when I witnessed this sweet moment, but the memory has stayed with me through my teenage years until now. At the time, I felt awkward for having intruded on something so private, but over the years, this memory filled my heart with hope. Hope that one day, I too could be happily married.

In my teenage years, I helped this family with babysitting. I’m pretty sure this dear lady had no idea I was watching her. Yet, there I was a teenage girl, quietly taking in how she loved her husband, her children, and how she cared for her home.

I was watching her as she faithfully lived according to the Word of God.

This sweet lady has long been someone I have looked up to, trying to emulate the love she showers on her family and ministry.

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” – Titus 2:3-5

And, there are others. Other “aged women” I have watched on a weekly basis. They taught Sunday school. They worked in the nursery. They cooked meals for fellowships and conferences. They decorated the church. They sang in the choir. They cleaned the church. They did all these things while loving their husbands and raising their kids. They kept their homes in order, and some even had to work outside the home. Some cared for sick family members. Some cried over their wayward son or daughter. These ladies have watched as their children went off to college, married, and had their own children. They have seen their husbands retire. Some have lost their husbands. Yet, they all have lived according to the Scriptures. They have all been examples and “teachers of good things”.

Aged woman, I’m still watching you. Will you “continue steadfast” in your faith and convictions you once taught your own children? Will you continue to be faithful despite the difficulty that comes with increasing age? Will you continue to have a sweet disposition, even after you have retired from your ministries? Will you still love your husband after age has slowed him down? Will you continue faithful in your Bible reading and prayer time?

Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware, lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfastness.” – 2 Peter 3:17

Aged woman, I need you. I need you to teach me how to age in God’s grace. I need to know that life can still be joyous, despite its many disappointments. I need you to teach me that no matter how painful life can become, there is still a “reason for the hope that is in you”. Teach me how to reach out and minister to others with a happy heart, even when my hands are hurting and my heart is failing.

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:” – I Peter 3:15

Aged woman, the world needs you. The world today is telling women that it’s OK to leave their husbands and children in order to “find” themselves. The world is telling women that they don’t need to keep their homes. The world is telling women that if they stay at home to care for their families, they have no value or beauty. The world is telling women that it’s not healthy to push their faith on their children and that they shouldn’t make them go to church. The world is lying to women today. Aged woman, the world needs you to be a candle in the darkness. They need your shining example that it is better to obey God than to follow their own pleasures.

For those women whom I have looked up to since I became a Christian 30 years ago, thank you for your examples. I could never have been the wife, mother, or keeper of my home that I am today without your example. And now, as time continues to move faster, I too, am becoming an aged woman. I only pray that I can teach others as you have taught me.

Let your lights so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” – Matthew 5:16