Why I Stopped Questioning God


Looking at the brilliant rays of sun, splashing it’s morning colors across the sky, I swiped away the tears streaming down my face.

“God, why are you still allowing me to suffer with this anxiety!? What possible good could come from this kind of mental anguish?”

The sun sprayed it’s light across my face, warming my cheeks where tears still glistened. As I leaned against the railing of my back porch, I closed my eyes, allowing the early morning light to dry my tears.

A chorus I had learned as a teenager at Bible camp came to mind. A peace I didn’t have a moment before filled my heart. Suddenly, my tears of grief turned into tears of joy, for I knew the words were true, and they brought me comfort. I began to sing the simple words with a shaky voice.

“My Lord knows the way through the wilderness, all I have to do is follow. Strength for today is mine all the way and all I need for tomorrow.”

I’d like to say I walked away from that moment 4 years ago with an answer from God. But no, I did not recieve an answer. 

In fact, over the years I have only had more situations come up in my life that I could question God about. Yet, since that day on my back porch, I no longer question God.

WHY I STOPPED QUESTIONING GOD

1. If I can trust God with my eternity, I can trust Him with my life.  Seriously though, I can’t get to Heaven on my own! That’s the biggest reason I became a Christian, my inability to save myself. If I am trusting God with my ETERNITY, shouldn’t I be able to trust Him with my life?

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” – Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6

2. God can see the whole picture. God doesn’t think the way I do. As a human, I am only able to focus on the immediate and how it effects me now. God is able to see how it will effect me now, tomorrow, and a year from now.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord .  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8‭-‬9

3. I can glorify God through my hardships. Instead of looking for relief in my trials, I needed to focus on rejoicing in my trials. Sharing with others the blessings God has given me and continuing in my service to Him through a trial are just a few ways I can glorify Him!

“That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ” – 1 Peter 1:7

4. God works everything for my good. Looking back to 4 years ago, I know the anxiety I suffered was God’s way of preparing me for the trial I face today, with my husband’s health. I can say with confidence, the anxiety God has allowed in my life is for my own good! 

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

5. God promised peace and comfort. “There is never a trial too big that God is not already there.” I’m not sure where I heard this, but I found it to be true. If I am in the deepest valley, God is there. I can never be seperated from Him!

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” – Psalms 30:5b

Asking God “why?” doesn’t make your trial shorter or easier to understand. The sooner you accept your trial, and trust God, the more quickly you can find peace!

“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory” – 

2 Corinthians 4:17


Help Lord!

Have you ever found yourself in a mess that you created? 

Financial problems, relationship difficulties, academic struggles, schedule conflicts, or job delimas – these things can at times be a result of poor choices we have made.

So what”, you may ask? “Why are you rubbing my failures in my face? I can’t do anything about them.”

There is an account in 2 Chronicles, of a king of Judah named Jehoshaphat. He was a good king, who strove to please the Lord. God was blessing Jehoshaphat because of his faithfulness and service. 

“And the Lord was with Jehoshaphat, because he walked in the first ways of his father David, and sought not unto Baalim” – 2 Chronicles 17:3 

One day, the evil Ahab, King of Israel, came to ask Jehoshaphat to go into battle with him. 

“And Ahab king of Israel said unto Jehoshaphat king of Judah, Wilt thou go with me to Ramoth–gilead?”  

Jehoshaphat knew that Ahab was a pretty horrible man. Ahab and his wife served Baal, and it is said that worshippers of Baal sacrificed their babies to this false god. Not only that, his wife, Jezabel, was persecuting and murdering the prophets of God. 

What Jehoshaphat did next was pretty dumb. He agreed to help evil Ahab. 

“And he answered him, I am as thou art, and my people as thy people; and we will be with thee in the war.” – 2 Chronicles 18:3
2 Chronicles goes on to tell us that Jehoshaphat demanded for Ahab to call in a prophet of God, to seek wisdom from God if they should go to battle. 

And Jehoshaphat said unto the king of Israel, Enquire, I pray thee, at the word of the Lord to day.” – 2 Chronicles 18:4

 Ahab reluctantly calls in a prophet named Micaiah, but he whines to Jehoshaphat that this prophet never tells him what he wants to hear.

“but I hate him; for he never prophesied good unto me, but always evil” – 2 Chronicles 18:7

Of course, Micaiah tells the kings to not go to battle, that they would not be successful. Ahab becomes angry, and demands he be put in jail. As the prophet is being dragged away to prison, you can hear his shouts to everyone in the room.

If thou certainly return in peace, then hath not the Lord spoken by me. And he said, Hearken, all ye people.” – 2 Chronicles 18:27

For some reason, Jehoshaphat did not listen to the prophet. It was probably peer pressure. Instead, the kings suited up and rode off to battle. When they arrive at the battle field, Ahab has an idea. 

“I will disguise myself, and will go to the battle; but put thou on thy robes.”- 2 Chronicles 18:29

He convinced Jehoshaphat to wear his kingly attire in the battle, while he himself puts on a disguise. It becomes clear to the reader at this point, that Ahab was only using Jehoshaphat to divert the enemy’s attention away from himself. Unfortunately, Jehoshaphat is so taken with Ahab, he doesn’t see the foolishness in his decision to go along with the plan. 

The battle quickly becomes heated and Jehoshaphat finds himself surrounded by the enemy. They must have noticed him, or something. 

And it came to pass, when the captains of the chariots saw Jehoshaphat, that they said, It is the king of Israel. Therefore they compassed about him to fight:”

It probably hit Jehoshaphat at that very moment, going into battle with Ahab was a stupid idea. 

Sometimes we don’t realize our folly until it is about to do us harm.

Jehoshaphat cries out to God at the last moment, begging for help. The next part is what amazes me. 

“but Jehoshaphat cried out, and the Lord helped him; and God moved them to depart from him.” – 2 Chronicles 18:31

Yes, you read that right. 

“AND THE LORD HELPED HIM.”

Have you ever done something so stupid that you decided praying about it wouldn’t help? God would never help you, because you got yourself in this mess to begin with?

Don’t believe that lie! If you are a child of God, He wants you to cry out to Him when you are in trouble. Even if the trouble is of your own making! 

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7


When You Want to Escape

Are you experiencing a difficulty in your life that you want to escape from? Living in denial of its very existence? Trying to pack it into a small box so you can hide it in the darkest corner of your mind?

In case you wondered how I managed to describe evasion of life’s problems so well, it is because

 I happen to be the queen of denial, the diva of distraction, and an expert in avoidance. 

Don’t want to think about the event you commited to being in charge of because it suddenly became scary and unrealistic? No problem! Make some dark chocolate brownies and play Monopoly Jr. with your seven- year -old. The chocolate will numb your emotions while your child’s inability to cope with losing will distract you from the reality of your situation!

All humor aside, it is common to find yourself in a place you would rather not be. While the easy solution is avoidance, denial, and distraction, it is not always the right thing to do.

King David found himself longing to “flee as a bird to his mountain” when life became difficult. Yet he knew it was not the right thing to do. He knew God had promised to get him through the difficult time.

“In the Lord put I my trust: how say ye to my soul, Flee as a bird to your mountain?’ – Psalms 11:1

Why should I trust God?

He promised to shield us away from life’s impossible situations. To not give us more than we could bear. He promised to comfort us, and hold us in His hand. To never cast us down when we fail. He promised to be our rock to cling to in the storms of our lives, and to hide us under His wing. He promised to never let a trial be a waste, but to make it into good. Most importantly, God promised that NOTHING would ever seperate us from His love.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.” – Psalms 28:7

So whatever it is in your life that makes you want to run away, remember a few things:

1. This trial won’t last forever.

2. You can run away, but your trial will probably follow you.

3. God will help you face it. You can trust Him!

Balancing our Focus

One piece of advice I have heard from doctors, nurses, and even patients who have been through cancer is: “just focus on today”.

Looking at the amount of appointments, treatments, medications, and all the things that could possibly go wrong in-between, can tend to be overwhelming. Focusing only on “today” helps to block out unnecessary worry. 

However, I can’t help those days that I stop and look back, remembering what it was like before we heard the word “cancer” in our family. Long summer days by the pool, or a family picnic at a park. Long weekends camping, or trips to visit out-of-state family. Days when I worried about what was for dinner more than I worried if my husband was going to feel sick that night. 

Then there are the times I look ahead and wonder how will I ever be able to go back to normal life when we are through with this journey? Or, depending on the day, having so much hope for a cancer free tomorrow, that I become impatient today.

As a Christian, how do I balance my focus?
“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.” – Matthew 6:34a

TODAY – If you are focusing on today, you can’t worry about tomorrow. If you find yourself in an endless cycle of worry, it’s time to narrow your focus to today. What do you need to accomplish today? What has been a blessing today? How can you be a blessing to someone else today?

“…forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before…” – Philippians 3:13

TOMORROW – When you find yourself not able to move beyond what your life used to be, and how it may never be the same again, it’s time to leave that pity party. Change your focus by reaching for a goal. Look at the hope that is waiting at the end of your journey. That mountain top of victory! 

“Remember the former things of old: for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like me.” – Isaiah 46:9

YESTERDAY – On days when the future seems bleak, and today is too dark to see any ray of sunshine, then look back at all God has done for you. List each way He has ever blessed you. I guarantee you the list will grow until you have something to smile about. 

If you focus too much on today, you can easily lose sight of yesterday’s blessings. If you spend too much time living in yesterday, you miss out on tomorrows joy. If you dwell on the “what-ifs” of tomorrow, you miss out on today’s opportunities.

“A false balance is abomination to the Lord : but a just weight is his delight.” – Proverbs 11:1

The Shepherd’s Voice

Tugging my mother’s sleeve, I whispered, “what are those people doing?” I pointed to the many weeping adults who were flooding the isle, making their way to the alter.

“They heard God’s voice. He wants them to come and talk with Him”.

I pondered that a few minutes. How did they hear God’s voice? Did they actually hear Him talk?

I listened as the evangelist played the piano with soothing confidence, his deep voice booming through the auditorium. My tummy felt funny. My heart was racing. The palms of my hands were sweaty. I could hear sobbing, as people continued to flood the alter. The preacher paced the platform, waving his hanky every now and then, shouting, “glory!”

Tugging my mom’s sleeve again, I asked, “how do you know when God is talking to you?”

My Mom smiled at me. “It’s different for everyone. Some people feel it in their hearts. Some people get nervous. You will know if He’s talking to you.”

At eight years of age, I realized that God was speaking to me, urging me to come talk to Him. I shakily left the pew and joined the dozens of others at the alter.


“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:” – John 10:27

Listening to the Shepherd’s voice that day is something I will never forget. It is also something I will never regret. I have told this story to each of my kids, and they each have asked me the same question:

“What does the Shepherd tell you?”

There are times when He speaks conviction to me, and points out my pride or lack of self-control. It is hard for me to obey His voice sometimes, like when He tells me to witness to someone, or take a stand when I’m the only Christian around. When I confess my sin to Him, God is right there, extending forgiveness.

On the day’s I feel like I can’t keep going, that this path He has asked me to walk is too hard, He encourages me and offers reassurance. I feel my strength begin to come back, and I’m able to keep going.

Sometimes, I have to ask God the same question over and over again. He has always been patient with me, and proves His love for me over and over again!

When life gets tough, and I don’t know how things will turn out and I become fearful, the Shepherd whispers words of comfort and peace. He knows exactly what to say to me, to chase away my fears and replace them with hope. 

Then, there are days when I don’t need encouragement or chastisement. I don’t need comfort or peace. The Shepherd just fellowships with me! He reveals Himself to me through the beauty of a sunset or in a rainbow after a storm. When I watch birds flittering about, moving from tree to tree, I marvel at His Creation. It is in these moments I hear my Shepherd’s voice whisper His love to me, and I feel His hand on my shoulder. Worship wells inside of me, and I have to sing praises to my Father or I will burst!

If you have never heard The Shepherd’s voice, I strongly urge you to carefully listen for it. If you ask him to speak to you, and you take the time to stop and listen, He WILL reveal Himself to you, and you will never be the same!

“Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” – Psalms 46:10

Pits of Despair

Opening my front door, I paused, surveying the mess before me. Sighing, I walked pass the massive pile of coats and shoes, a sure sign we were running late for school this morning. Dropping my keys on the kitchen counter, I pushed aside dirty bowls and mugs, searching for my half finished coffee. After I rinsed out the old coffee, I began to brew another cup. Eyeing the open box of Cheerios on the table, I decided, why not? Carrying my coffee and the cereal box to the couch, I kicked off my shoes. Unzipping my jean skirt, I let it fall to the floor, shaking my pajama pants lose. Wrapping myself up in a soft, fuzzy blanket, I sat down on the couch and turned on Netflix. I strategically kept my eyes from veering to the corner of my living room, where a tall stack of laundry baskets awaited my attention.

I stayed on that couch for 5 hours, and nearly got through an entire season of The Andy Griffith Show.

 I ignored my phone. I ignored my house. I ignored my husbands cancer. For an entire 5 hours, I was living in a small town called Mayberry, laughing at the antics of Barney and Andy.

At 2:00, I finally got off the couch. I spent the next 45 minutes quickly picking up my house, throwing dishes in the dishwasher, and washing the grease out of my hair. I got dressed, and found pizza coupons from yesterday’s mail. Tonight was going to be a pizza night. My kids would love me.

Arriving at the school at exactly 3:05, guilt began to fill my entire being. What a hypocrite I am. What a loser. An entire day wasted! And what a liar, because when the kids and I finally walked through the door, the house looked clean, like I had actually done something that day. Worse yet, I offered my kids a dollar for each basket of laundry they folded. By the time my husband came home from work, he wouldn’t have the slightest clue that I had visited Mayberry that day.

Looking back, I am able to say with confidence, I had fallen into a pit. Or as Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables would say, I was in “the depths of despair”.

“I am counted with them that go down into the pit: I am as a man that hath no strength:  Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deeps.” – Psalms 88:4‭ & 6

Here is what I learned about being in a pit.

#1 – It happens, and it’s OK. When we go through trying times in our lives, it is common to find ourselves having a “blue” day.  It has been scientifically proven that stress effects our bodies physically and mentally. Taking a day off from the stress of life can help rejuvenate our souls, giving us the strength to continue the journey we are facing. Don’t feel guilty for needing a day off from stress.

“When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path.” – Psalms 142:3a

#2 – It’s easier to get into a pit than it is to get out. It’s not like we went looking for a dark hole in the ground and said, “hey, that looks fun”, and jumped in it. Yes, there are circumstances where we actually digged the pit we fell into.  Sometimes, however, we are just walking along, not paying attention, and we fall in. Getting out is going to require some work. Don’t be hard on yourself if you are struggling to get out of a pit.

“I waited patiently for the Lord ; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.” – Psalms 40:1

#3 – You can’t get out of a pit by yourself. Sometimes all it takes is meeting a friend for coffee or going to church and talking to your sisters and brothers in Christ. Strike up a conversation with someone you know will make you laugh! Maybe your pit is a little deeper and you need to consider counseling from your pastor.  If you have found yourself in a pit, you are going to need someone to throw you down a rope or a ladder. Don’t be too prideful to ask for help!

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another…” – Hebrews 10:25a

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine..” –  Proverbs 17:22a

#4 – God promised He would bring you out of your pit. He has offered His Holy Word to anyone who will accept it, and it is full of amazing truths and promises of comfort and love. Reading through Psalms is a good way to soothe and encourage yourself in the Lord. Singing songs of Praise is also good way to begin your climb out of the pit. Praising God when we find it hard to do not only lifts your spirit, it pleases God, and glorifies Him! Don’t neglect God’s offer to pull you out of your pit!

“He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.” – Psalms 40:2

Dear reader, if you find yourself in a pit, don’t get discouraged. You won’t be there for ever! By the end of the week, the blue cloud that had been hanging around me finally lifted. I was able to get up and take better care of my crazy family. I was able to actually shower and dress for my day, shop for groceries, clean my house, and even take my husband to his doctor appointment. Oh, and I made a delicious dinner that night!

Stand Still

“And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord ,” – Exodus 14:13a

Sometimes I view my life as a swirling tornado. The wind is blowing everything around, sucking it up into it’s dark cloud. I am standing in the middle of it, my feet firmly planted to the ground, holding on to as much as I can, trying to keep everything from being swept away.

Lately I have felt a bit overwhelmed by our schedule. Nuerologist, cardiologist, PCP, oncologist, endocrinologist, chiropractor, orthodandist, dermatologist, dentist, chemotherapy, radiation – just to name a few things that have taken up my time in recent weeks. Let’s not forget laundry, house cleaning, library trips, grocery store trips, post office trips, trips to the school office, forgotten-lunch-runs, piano lessons, basketball, soccer, volleyball, school programs, baby showers, bridal showers, sports tryouts, field trips – please, someone stop me!

Those are the physical things that can tend to be overwhelming. Now let’s talk about the emotional stuff.

There is the fear that seems to rear it’s ugly head into my thoughts every so often. Fear that my husbands cancer will spread to stage 4, or show up in five years to surprise us again.

Another emotional drainer is the battle with being content. Remembering we are where God put us right now, and that He will continue to take care of us, is something I need to do daily.

I have two teenagers at home. That is also another emotional strain. They at times will bring me along for a drama-filled roller coaster ride! My two grade-school boys are still trying to understand “why can’t we go camping” and “why can’t daddy play basketball with us”?

I don’t believe any of these “objects” that I mentioned that are swirling around in my stormy life are much different from anyone elses.

Maybe your storm isn’t illness. Maybe it’s a struggling marriage or a wayward child. You may be struggling financially or have a big life-changing decision to make.

Sometimes when it all starts getting crazy, I find that I’m trying to hold on to as much as I can, hoping it doesn’t fly away into the storm. It is in some of those moments, when I feel that things are slipping from my grasp, that I  can’t help but ask, “is God really in my storm?” 

Yes, He’s here. In fact, He’s on top of the storm. He is in the whirlwind, directing it’s path.

“…the Lord hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.” – Nahum 1:3

I have learned the hard way, that I can’t hold on to everything. I have to let some things get swept away into the storming clouds. I can’t keep my house as clean as I used to or have my perfect laundry schedule and get my husband to all his appointments. I mean, I could, and then I would go crazy! Sometimes, I have to tell my kids “sorry, but I just can’t take you to that thing you want to do”.  I mean, I could, but then I might go crazy!

Sometimes I just need to stand still in that storm, my feet planted firmly into the ground, and watch everything I am trying to hold onto, be swept away into those swirling clouds.

Standing still in a storm is not easy to do. Yet, if we make ourselves do it, and listen to God’s voice, we can see God riding the storm.

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” – Psalms 46:10

And then – when we have finally stopped trying to hold our lives together on our own, and we are standing there watching the storm destroy everything – only then, does God move in and bring peace.

“And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” – Mark 4:39