HOW I KNEW I WAS A CONTROL FREAK, AND WHAT THE BIBLE HAD TO SAY ABOUT IT

“Come on! Let’s go, let’s go! Out the door, we’re late,” I yelled as I slipped on my shoes!

“Mom, aren’t we always late, though?”

Glaring at my 10-year-old, I replied, “Not today! Now move, move, move!”

Despite my shouts to hurry all the way out to the car and my somewhat-reckless driving, I still managed to be a few minutes late to work. Again.

For the first time in nearly 18 years, I have crossed over from being a stay-at-home mom to a working mom. Thankfully, it’s a part-time job, but I have certainly had my share of struggle in getting my feet wet in the work world again! I have the best job a mom could ever want working at my kid’s school. I also have the best boss and co-workers a girl could ever ask for. So why all the struggle?

After a couple of meltdowns and a few conversations with my longsuffering husband, the truth began to niggle at my heart.

The problem was me.

Well, my control-freak nature, to be more exact.

HOW I KNEW I WAS A CONTROL-FREAK

It had to be my way. My kids have always done chores, but I never realized how much energy I spent “re-doing” what they had already done. Since going back to work, I no longer have time to “re-do” anything. Instead of being grateful for what my kids were doing, I found myself stressing because – well, my vacuum lines had disappeared! Instead of encouraging my kids by what they were accomplishing, I was mourning the fact that the towels were not “properly” folded and placed on the shelf.

I couldn’t let things go. It didn’t seem to matter how tired I was, falling asleep was a struggle. My endless to-do list kept swirling through my thoughts, and I even found new things to add to it. I couldn’t shut off my brain. I also couldn’t let conversations or arguments go until everyone agreed with me, or at least saw it from my point of view! When I disappointed one of my kids or a family member because I was just too busy, I agonized over it for days!

I began to pass the blame. Once I started to feel life spiral out of control, I decided that NOTHING was my fault! Those dirty dishes in the sink and piles of unfolded clothes were no longer MY fault! But, it had to be somebody’s fault, so I blamed the kids, my husband, that phone call, ANYTHING but me! Contention started to build up in our house, but it wasn’t MY fault!

If you are an “A-plus” personality, chances are you’ve used it as an excuse to cover your control-freak tendencies.

“Um, because of my ‘a-plus’ personality, I’m going to ask that you do it this way.

“I’m sorry, but my OCD is coming out in me. Do you mind if I fix this?”

Listen, I know more than anyone, the wonderful benefits of being a control freak! It’s a great motivator, and can actually help us get more accomplished in our tight schedules!

But, what does the Bible have to say about the common qualities of someone who likes to be in control?

WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY

A control-freak is prideful What is the driving force behind someone with an “A-plus” personality? Pride. Wanting things done a particular way (ours) prevents us from putting our faith in God! Pride is a dangerous place for a Christian to be! In fact, King Solomon said that God hated the sin of pride!

“These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,”

– Proverbs 6:16‭-‬17

A control-freak has no peace – It is impossible for us to control every aspect of our lives. Just when we think we’ve got things under control, life happens, and we find ourselves in impossible situations. We lose sleep and develop anxiety over the things we can’t control!

But, when we live our lives surrendered to God, and allow Him to have ALL the control, those impossible situations have hope! When we put our trust in God that all things work together for good, we can have peace!

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”

– Isaiah 26:3

The next time you catch yourself blaming your OCD, or your “a-plus” personality, just stop! Admit you’re a control freak! Surrender your life to God (daily) and determine in your heart to give up control!

Bible Verses for the Control Freak:

Romans 8:28

Jeremiah 29:11

Matthew 6:34

Matthew 11:28

Jeremiah 32:27

 

Can One Really Overcome Anxiety?

Over the last few months, I found myself questioning everything I thought I knew about anxiety. I was experiencing new symptoms that left me confused, and a little afraid. I began to wonder…

can one really overcome anxiety?

This question bothered me. It circled in my mind as I lay in bed, it nestled in my thoughts when I washed dishes and folded clothes. It lingered in the background when I listened to music or watched TV. All the while, my anxiety grew. It wasn’t until I had reached the climax of my struggle, and sought counsel from my pastor, that I finally understood.

Because I am a lover of the written word, and I think more clearly when I can write my thoughts on paper, I have written this post in answer to my plaguing question! This article was not written for you, dear readers. It was written for myself. It is a compilation of all I have learned from my pastors, reading the Word of God, reading many books and articles, and my own personal experience.

Six Things People Who Overcome Anxiety Don’t Do:

1. Focus on their symptoms. People who overcome anxiety have learned that they can’t focus on their symptoms. Instead, they work on capturing every worry and fear and handing them over to God. Overcomers have learned that when they focus on their symptoms, and how terribly they want to be healed, they are actually robbing God from His glory. When the focus shifts from our symptoms to God’s goodness, we are taking the first step to glorifying Him!

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of God.” – 2 Corinthians 10:5

2. Allow their emotions to rule them. People who overcome anxiety have learned that they can’t allow their emotions to rule them. It is not a sin to feel sad, or angry. The sin lies in how much freedom we give to those emotions. If we allow our emotions to rule our spirits, we are allowing ourselves to become vulnerable to even more pain and suffering. When we allow our emotions to reign, life, in general, can feel like an impossibility in our minds, opening the door to dangerous thoughts. Overcomers choose to not follow emotional thoughts, and instead, leave them at the feet of Christ.

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.” – Proverbs 25:28

Gird up the loins of your mind…” – 1 Peter 1:13

3. Play the “worry game”. People who overcome anxiety don’t play the “worry game”. They realize that while they can’t always help the worry that might pop into their heads, they can choose to not follow them. Once you follow a worry in your mind, it leads to more worries, and before you know it, you are on a merry-go-round of unhealthy thoughts and anxiety! Overcomers choose to not follow their worry.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” – Philippians 4:8

4. Quit God’s calling in their life. People who overcome anxiety don’t stop trying to please God. What is God’s calling in your life? God has personally called me to be a wife and a mother. Because of God’s grace, I have the strength necessary to fulfill this calling, even when I am having an exceptionally bad day. Every Christian, young and old, is called by God to do something, and God has given each of us the strength to obey, despite our anxieties. Yes, sometimes we need to rest, even God rested on the 7th day of Creation! However, God always gives us renewed strength to do His will! Overcomers recognize that they can still obey God, despite their anxiety.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” – Philippians 4:13

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31

4. Stop Praising God. People who overcome anxiety don’t stop praising God. If it’s a good day, they praise God for the good day! If it’s a bad day, they find at least one good thing in that day, to praise Him for. Overcomers know that when they are able to give God thanks, not for their anxiety, but through their anxiety, they are reflecting God’s grace in their lives! They learn to rejoice in the day, instead of just “getting through” it.

This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it” – Psalms 118:24

5. Forget the true meaning of “overcome”. People who overcome anxiety know it is a daily battle. Whatever the cause of your anxiety: worry, stress, fear, past addiction, or chemical imbalance – the victory is not in defeating the anxiety, but in your obedience to God despite it. Overcoming is learning to glorify your Heavenly Father, despite your difficulty. Overcoming is not allowing your difficulty to control you.

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” – Philippians 4:11

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

6. Ignore God’s promises. People who overcome anxiety cling to God’s promises for peace. They realize that the more they read the Bible, and the more they pray, the closer to God they become. They realize that only God truly knows the thoughts and intents of their own hearts and that God loves them anyway! Overcomers know that no matter how difficult their anxiety may become, God is still with them and that He is offering His grace!

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7

I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins…” – Jeremiah 17:10

If I ascend up into heaven, thou are there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.”– Psalms 139:8-10

I’m not really sure I can claim to be an “overcomer” of anxiety, but it is something I strive for every day!

If you are a Christian struggling with anxiety, and this article was a help to you, leave me a comment below!

 

 

Tips to Overcoming a Panic Attack

If you are anxiety sufferer, you know the classic signs of anxiety. Tightness in your chest, palpitations, headaches, tummy upset, trembling hands, and week legs. These are all classic symptoms of anxiety. I should know. I’ve had them all before.

I’m so thankful that I’m not new to this story, and that I know what to do when I feel a panic attack coming on. I thought I would share with you some tips that can help you overcome a panic attack.

1. Know your symptoms. Everyone is different. For me, I know I’m about to have a panic attack if my chest starts feeling a little tight. At that moment, if I take the time to do the steps below, I can avoid it.

2. Breathe deeply. At the first sign of a coming panic attack, stop what you are doing and focus on breathing. Breathe in through your nose counting to 5 very slowly. Then let the breath out slowly through your mouth, counting to 7. Repeat this five times.

3. Quote scripture. Everyone should have a verse of scripture that they call “theirs”. Something that can bring comfort to an anxious mind. Here’s mine:

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7

4. Distract yourself. The worst thing to do when you feel a panic attack coming on is to focus on how you feel. Go outside for a few minutes and take a quick walk. Start up a conversation with your husband, or call your mom. Break the cycle of panic with distraction.

5. Essential Oils. I don’t sell oils, but I’ve been using them since before they were ever popular. I found a blend from Young Living called “Peace and Calming”, and I love it. I don’t know if it’s just a placebo for me or what, but the scent of this particular oil really does help me feel calm. When I feel anxiety coming in, I rub some over my heart, on my wrists, and under my earlobes.

6. Pray. If you know why this anxiety attack started to come on, share your burden with Jesus. He really does care! Leave your cares and worry at His feet. Pour your heart and tears out before Him. He’s listening!

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7

7. Reflect. Once you are past the tense and anxious moment, think back on why you think you had it. Maybe you need to slow your schedule down a little, or change your attitude about something. Search for a Biblical and practical solution to whatever is causing you stress. Sometimes, just talking to a like-minded Christian friend can be enough to encourage you!

I hope these tips help you the next time you are about to have a panic attack!

Meditation Monday – His Burden is Light

Are you feeling weighted down by what is on your schedule for today? Why not take your heavy burden filled with the cares and expectations of today, and exchange it for God’s lighter burden of love, joy, and peace? When you drop to your knees and give your day to the Lord, you are emptying your sack of all the burdens of today. Reading His Word fills your sack with God’s precious promises! 

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.   Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.   For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28‭-‬30

3 Truths To Remember When Going Through Anxiety

Watching the car steer off the road, I looked at the driver. Her eyes were closed, her mouth gaping open. She was unconscious, and she was about to hit a telephone pole!
Adrenaline rushed through my veins, and I quickly made a u-turn. By the time I managed to get back to the run-away car, two men were already assisting the woman, and a bystander was calling 911. Not sure what to do, I ran across the street to a doctor’s office, and begged for a nurse to come with me.

I don’t know what happened to that woman, but I think of her often. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get her face from my mind. 

Witnessing that car accident triggered the first panic attack I’ve had in several years. I am now back in the throes of anxiety. 

I have no expert wisdom to share about how to permanently overcome anxiety. I do, however, want to share a few truths that have helped me the last few days.

#1 – God has a purpose for your anxiety.  If you are serving the Lord and to the best of your knowledge, are right with Him, then God has allowed anxiety in your life for a purpose. God may be using anxiety as a way to draw you closer to Him. He may be trying to soften your heart, and give you a humble spirit, in order to use your weakness to glorify Him. Don’t waste time trying to figure out God’s plan, just trust Him. 

#2 – Don’t trust your feelings. Rest in the knowledge that God cares about you, sees your pain, hears your cries and LOVES you! Don’t trust your feelings when you are going through anxiety, because your feelings are all over the place and unreliable. Instead, rely on the truth of the Word of God! 

#3 – Distract your mind. When in the midst of a panic attack, our minds tend to get stuck on unhealthy thought patterns. Here are some ideas I have found useful in the last few days. Spend some time with a friend. Clean your house. Listen to an audio book. Sing some songs. Go to church. Take a walk. Bake some bread. Spend time with your kids. Watch a funny movie. Write out encouraging scripture. Pray – and pray lot! 

You can have peace while going through anxiety. Peace that God has a purpose for your suffering, and peace that He cares and is really listening to your cry! These truths won’t cure anxiety, but they have personally helped me, and I pray they help you, as well. 

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” – Isaiah 26:3

Overcoming Anxiety Series #3 – What Does God Think About Anxiety?

What if I were to tell you that Jesus may have had anxiety?  In Hebrews 4:15, we are told that Jesus was “in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.”  Not everyone suffers from true anxiety, but I believe I could argue that Jesus experienced anxiety at least once.

Picture Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.  He knew He was about to be betrayed by a close friend. He knew He was going to be given an unfair trial, beaten mercilessly, and cruelly put to death.

And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” – Luke 22:44

There is a rare condition called Hematidrosis, in which a person will sweat blood.  It is not known what actually causes this condition, but it has been known to happen under extreme cases of fear or stress.

In the first article on Overcoming Anxiety, I explained the possible causes of anxiety.  For some, anxiety can come from a spiritual need, or lack of spiritual strength.  For others, anxiety can be borne from a physical illness. Lastly, anxiety can be brought on by mental illness or stress.

While I don’t believe Jesus was afraid, I truly believe He was under great stress.  I have wondered if this was the moment He began to carry the weight of sin for the entire world!  How did Jesus respond to anxiety?  He prayed, and He continued on with His task.

So what does God think about anxiety?

God wants you to come to come to Him with your anxiety. Philippians 4:6 – “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”  Psalm 55:22 – “Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”

God wants you to trust Him.   Psalm 56:3 – “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.”  Proverbs 3:5&6 – “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

God wants you to love Him perfectly.  1 John 4:18 – “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteh out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

God wants to give you strength. Isaiah 41:10 – “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

God doesn’t want you to be afraid. Joshua 1:9 – “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”

God wants to take care of your needs.  Philippians 4:19 – “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

God wants to give you peace.  John 14:27 – “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

God wants to give you rest.  Psalm 4:8 – “I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.”  Matthew 11:28 – “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

God wants to give you power over your anxiety.2 Timothy 1:7 – “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

God wants you to think on lovely things.  Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

God wants you to praise Him despite your anxiety.  Colossians 3:15 – “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.”  Psalms 56:4 – “In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.”

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I sincerely pray that this series has been a help to some Christian struggling with anxiety. In the future I plan to add to this series, “Overcoming Anxiety“, so stay tuned! 

Overcoming Anxiety Series #2 – Six Helps for Christians With Anxiety.

For the Christian, I believe the hardest part of overcoming anxiety is recognizing that it even exists.  As a believer, we know that there is peace to be found in Christ.  Scripture tells us that the load He has for us to bear is easy and light.  We are reminded to lay our burdens at the feet of Christ.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

So is it wrong for a Christian to have anxiety?

Well,  yes….and no.

Luke 16:13 tells us “no servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.”

If we are going to carry Christ’s burden, which He promised was easy and light, we are going to have to lay down the burdens and cares of the world.  It is when we try to carry around both, that we often find ourselves struggling with stress and anxiety.

Remember, though, that Jesus said He will lighten our burdens, not remove them.  When I speak of “overcoming anxiety”, I am not trying to imply that we can get rid of it for good.   For the Christian, it is how we live with anxiety that helps us overcome it.

6 HELPS FOR CHRISTIANS WITH ANXIETY

  1. Remain Faithful to God. – The most important step a Christian with anxiety can do, is to remain faithful to God.  Don’t allow anxiety to take you out of church! I often found that when I forced myself to go to church, the singing and preaching was enough to distract me out of my near panic attacks.  If you have not already been faithful in your Bible reading and prayer time, now is the time to make that a habit!
  2. Think of Others. – The worst thing a Christian with anxiety can do, is to think about how they are feeling. Thinking about how horrible we feel, only intensifies our feelings and sucks us into unhealthy thought patterns.  The best remedy for self-thinking, is thinking of others.  Make a prayer list of others who are in difficult situations.  Bake some bread for a sick neighbor, bring some cookies to your local fire department, or write some get-well cards to sick church members.  Make it your daily goal to do something kind for someone else.
  3. Change Your Health Habits. – This is the hardest advice for me to follow, but it certainly is true.  Having healthy habits can reduce the severity of anxiety.  Making healthy eating choices can increase the amounts of vitamins and minerals our bodies need to stay healthy.  Exercising releases endorphin’s that not only make us feel good, but reduces stress.  Talking to an herbalist or nutritionist can also help.  Taking natural supplements your body may be lacking can not only decrease the duration of anxiety, it can help us remain healthy in countless other ways!
  4. Slow Down! – We live in a fast-paced society where there is always something to do.  Gone are the days where the family sits on the front porch in the evenings to listen to the crickets sing.  Instead, we are bustling our children from one activity to the next, feeling obligated to attend every birthday party, and every event offered. As Christians, we need to have a balance in our lives.  Make sure you carve out time for some rest and relaxation, at least once a week!  Family movie or game nights are great ways to have a relaxing evening!  Maybe relaxing to you is a day spent on a trail at the park, or walking through the mall.  However you decide to slow down, don’t allow yourself to feel guilty about it.
  5. Stay Busy! – Yes, I know, I just told you to slow down!  But I didn’t mean for you to slow your mind down.  When we find ourselves in endless cycles of worry, we need to direct our thoughts on other things.  Listening to music or audio books are great ways to keep your mind busy while going about your daily tasks.  Gardening, crafting, playing a musical instrument, taking an exercise class, writing in a journal, or walking around the block are other ways you can stay busy and focused.
  6. Surround Yourself with Positivity – It is important to remember that “a merry heart doeth good like a medicine”!  While it is not possible, nor practical, to be “merry” all day long, you can surround yourself with positivity.  It is easy for anyone suffering from anxiety to go into seclusion from the world.  While it’s not a bad idea to turn off Fox News and talk radio, it is a bad idea to cut yourself off from friends and family.  Now is the time, more than ever, that you need be around merry hearts!  One word of caution, however, is to be careful to limit your time with those who “enable” you to be negative, or dwell on your anxiety.

While I still have days where anxiety rears it’s ugly head, I am able to overcome it and still get on with my day.  If I go to Christ right away, He always makes it bearable, and He will give me rest from it.

 

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If this article has helped encourage you, please be sure to share it with someone else who may also struggle with anxiety.  Be sure to tune in next week for “Overcoming Anxiety Series #3 – What Does God Think About Anxiety?”