Why I Have Been Silent

It’s been a while since I have written anything, not because I didn’t have much to say, but because my heart ached every time I tried. 

In August of 2020, my sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Doctors guessed she had just days left to live, but the Lord blessed us with 5 months with Amy!  She passed on December 25, 2020.         

Amy was not just my sister, she was my best friend and mentor.  She was always there if I needed anything, no matter the time or the cost!  She could see things from a perspective I couldn’t, and I valued her Godly advice!  Growing up, Amy was the sister that would let me crawl into bed with her during a thunderstorm or stay up all night with me reading books.  Despite our age difference, she included me and was a friend to me, and the older I got, the closer we became. It is impossible, to sum up, the value of someone’s life into just a short paragraph.  Maybe someday, when I am stronger and it doesn’t hurt so much, I will write more about Amy. 

Those last 5 months of Amy’s life were the hardest I have ever been through, and even now as I write about it, I feel my heart racing and an ache creeping into my belly. During that time, I went to Amy’s house two to 3 times a week.  I cleaned and cooked for her family.  I desired to sit by her side, hold her hand, and have meaningful conversations I would always remember.  But dying never goes the way you think it will.

As summer changed to fall, I remember being so thankful for the changing colors on the trees as I drove home from Amy’s house.  My mind would be all over the place on those drives, and usually, I would end up crying.  Those vibrant colors would always remind me that this was just a season.  I was going through a hard season of life, but eventually, spring would come, and I would be able to smile again. 

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die…a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

During that time, I had peace.  I was calmly working part-time, caring for my own family of 6, and ministering at my church.  I’m still not sure how I managed to do all I did during that time, especially with my history of anxiety!  Of course, I shouldn’t have been surprised, because my God is greater than any trial we face!  He carried me through that difficult time, and His presence was with me every day! It wasn’t until my sister had passed, that I realized the pressure of what I had gone through.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11: 28-30

Dear readers, I just needed to share with you why I have been silent so long.  But My season of mourning is nearing its end.  I have been able to smile and laugh again.  The peace God gave me during that season has remained with me!  It is time for me to write again. 

Coming articles to look for: 

5 Things I Learned About Death

How to Be There for A Loved One with Terminal Illness

What to Say to Someone Who Is Dying?

How to Comfort Someone Who is Grieving