He Overwhelms My Days with Good

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Peeking down through the old, grated ceiling vent, I could see my dad sitting in his recliner. He was watching the eleven o’clock news, his cigarette sending puffs of smoke into the air. He yelled to my mother, who responded in turn with a heated tone. Realizing that a fight was brewing, I got up from the floor and tip-toed back to my bed. 

In my young, seven-year-old mind, I remember life before Jesus as a life filled with uncertainty. My parents were fighting a lot. I had a school friend whose parents had recently divorced, and I feared that would become my story.

One day, someone knocked on our front door and told my mom about Jesus. I remember she cried, then bowed her head to pray. A few weeks later, those same people came back and told my dad about Jesus. He cried, and bowed his head and prayed, too. Our family would never be the same!

Shortly after getting saved, my parents were invited to Hope Baptist Church. My dad never heard anyone speak with authority as he had that morning. When Pastor Sowell lifted his King James Bible into the air and declared, “don’t take my word for it”, my dad knew we were in the right place.

No longer were my days filled with fear over my parents fighting. Our family’s days now revolved around the changes we were making for God.

We went to a Christian book store and bought King James Bibles. We packed away our imodest clothing and worldly music.  My dad even gave up smoking and drinking. I didn’t hear swearing in the house anymore, and yes, my parents were filled with such zeal in their new-found faith, they no longer fought as they used to.

My family threw themselves into ministry wherever there was an opportunity. If the church doors were open, we were there. I remember cleaning bathrooms and vacuuming between pews. I worked in the nursery and helped wash dishes during Bible Conference. Once, I even did the worst job ever- scraping gum from the bottom of the pews! We sang in nursing homes, and even helped out in a ministry that focused on inner-city kids. As I got older, I had the opportunity to be involved in our tiny orchestra, and girls ensemble.

Life was good, and we were too busy to think about it! We were growing in the Lord as a family, and it was an amazing journey! Soon, I was in the singles group at church, where I met my husband. It wasn’t long before we were married and started our own family, beginning our own journey with the Lord. We have continued to throw ourselves into ministry, trying to raise our own children to have a deep love and desire for the Lord.

Life hasn’t always been easy. We’ve had our bumps along the way, just like any other normal family. We’ve had heart-breaks and sicknesses, frustrations and fears. Yet, each step of our bumpy journey, we have seen our days overwhelmed by Gods goodness!

We have watched other families, who don’t know Jesus, struggle with a diagnosis they’ve just recieved. They find themselves desperate, crying out for some kind of hope. They post on social media of their depression and despair, searching for answers that will help them cope with their grief.

And then, there’s my husband and I, sitting in treatment rooms, surgery waiting rooms, and appointment rooms, smiling, and sometimes laughing! How? Why? Even if our worst fears come to pass, there is joy at the end of our journey, and God’s grace for along the way. Because, He has overwhelmed our days with good!

“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” – Psalms 34:8

“And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.  Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,  Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.” – Ephesians 3:19‭-‬21

 

Balancing our Focus

One piece of advice I have heard from doctors, nurses, and even patients who have been through cancer is: “just focus on today”.

Looking at the amount of appointments, treatments, medications, and all the things that could possibly go wrong in-between, can tend to be overwhelming. Focusing only on “today” helps to block out unnecessary worry. 

However, I can’t help those days that I stop and look back, remembering what it was like before we heard the word “cancer” in our family. Long summer days by the pool, or a family picnic at a park. Long weekends camping, or trips to visit out-of-state family. Days when I worried about what was for dinner more than I worried if my husband was going to feel sick that night. 

Then there are the times I look ahead and wonder how will I ever be able to go back to normal life when we are through with this journey? Or, depending on the day, having so much hope for a cancer free tomorrow, that I become impatient today.

As a Christian, how do I balance my focus?
“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.” – Matthew 6:34a

TODAY – If you are focusing on today, you can’t worry about tomorrow. If you find yourself in an endless cycle of worry, it’s time to narrow your focus to today. What do you need to accomplish today? What has been a blessing today? How can you be a blessing to someone else today?

“…forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before…” – Philippians 3:13

TOMORROW – When you find yourself not able to move beyond what your life used to be, and how it may never be the same again, it’s time to leave that pity party. Change your focus by reaching for a goal. Look at the hope that is waiting at the end of your journey. That mountain top of victory! 

“Remember the former things of old: for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like me.” – Isaiah 46:9

YESTERDAY – On days when the future seems bleak, and today is too dark to see any ray of sunshine, then look back at all God has done for you. List each way He has ever blessed you. I guarantee you the list will grow until you have something to smile about. 

If you focus too much on today, you can easily lose sight of yesterday’s blessings. If you spend too much time living in yesterday, you miss out on tomorrows joy. If you dwell on the “what-ifs” of tomorrow, you miss out on today’s opportunities.

“A false balance is abomination to the Lord : but a just weight is his delight.” – Proverbs 11:1

The Shepherd’s Voice

Tugging my mother’s sleeve, I whispered, “what are those people doing?” I pointed to the many weeping adults who were flooding the isle, making their way to the alter.

“They heard God’s voice. He wants them to come and talk with Him”.

I pondered that a few minutes. How did they hear God’s voice? Did they actually hear Him talk?

I listened as the evangelist played the piano with soothing confidence, his deep voice booming through the auditorium. My tummy felt funny. My heart was racing. The palms of my hands were sweaty. I could hear sobbing, as people continued to flood the alter. The preacher paced the platform, waving his hanky every now and then, shouting, “glory!”

Tugging my mom’s sleeve again, I asked, “how do you know when God is talking to you?”

My Mom smiled at me. “It’s different for everyone. Some people feel it in their hearts. Some people get nervous. You will know if He’s talking to you.”

At eight years of age, I realized that God was speaking to me, urging me to come talk to Him. I shakily left the pew and joined the dozens of others at the alter.


“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:” – John 10:27

Listening to the Shepherd’s voice that day is something I will never forget. It is also something I will never regret. I have told this story to each of my kids, and they each have asked me the same question:

“What does the Shepherd tell you?”

There are times when He speaks conviction to me, and points out my pride or lack of self-control. It is hard for me to obey His voice sometimes, like when He tells me to witness to someone, or take a stand when I’m the only Christian around. When I confess my sin to Him, God is right there, extending forgiveness.

On the day’s I feel like I can’t keep going, that this path He has asked me to walk is too hard, He encourages me and offers reassurance. I feel my strength begin to come back, and I’m able to keep going.

Sometimes, I have to ask God the same question over and over again. He has always been patient with me, and proves His love for me over and over again!

When life gets tough, and I don’t know how things will turn out and I become fearful, the Shepherd whispers words of comfort and peace. He knows exactly what to say to me, to chase away my fears and replace them with hope. 

Then, there are days when I don’t need encouragement or chastisement. I don’t need comfort or peace. The Shepherd just fellowships with me! He reveals Himself to me through the beauty of a sunset or in a rainbow after a storm. When I watch birds flittering about, moving from tree to tree, I marvel at His Creation. It is in these moments I hear my Shepherd’s voice whisper His love to me, and I feel His hand on my shoulder. Worship wells inside of me, and I have to sing praises to my Father or I will burst!

If you have never heard The Shepherd’s voice, I strongly urge you to carefully listen for it. If you ask him to speak to you, and you take the time to stop and listen, He WILL reveal Himself to you, and you will never be the same!

“Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” – Psalms 46:10

5 Ways to Keep Your House Together When Life Gets Crazy

Before I had kids, I would scrub my house down every Saturday, just because that’s what I was taught to do.  I never went to bed with a messy house. I never once left the house with dirty dishes in the sink, or the floors unswept. Even dirty laundry had its proper place, and that was never the floor.

Over the years, children changed my routine to some degree, but I was still able to manage control over the condition of my home.

However, in January of 2016, we began my husband’s journey with his health. Our lives exploded with doctor’s visits, tests, surgeries, and treatments. This, of course, was in addition to the already crazy schedule we had.

My house began to suffer. For the first time in my life, I left dirty dishes in the sink, floors unswept, and dirty laundry stayed wherever it landed. There were days when I felt so overwhelmed by my house that I determined I was going to call Molly Maid.

A few months ago, I realized I had a day with no appointments scheduled.  I began to focus on all the cleaning that needed to be caught up. I was very overwhelmed by my to-do list. While sipping my coffee (still in my pajamas), I added a few more things to my list, when my husband came out of his office.

“Pastor Jon and Jess just called. They will be in our area and want to stop by. They should be here in 15 minutes.”

My heart stopped. I began to panic.

“What???!! Look at this house! I can’t have our pastor over with it like this!”

The dishwasher was stuffed with clean dishes and the sink was piled with dirty ones. Mountains of laundry sat in my living room, waiting to be folded. I needed to vacuum badly. I wasn’t even dressed!!

Somehow, I managed to drag the laundry to my bedroom, where I promptly shut the door. I was able to vacuum, and instead of doing the dishes, I put them in hot soapy water.  I hoped my pastor and his wife wouldn’t notice I hadn’t polished in over a week or that the kitchen floor needed to be mopped. Somehow I managed to get dressed, and do my hair, too!

After that day, I realized the only person that really cared about my house being perfectly clean, was me. I began to change the way I thought about my house, and change how I kept up with it, too. Yes, I still like a clean house, and if I have a day I can devote to cleaning, I gladly clean (it’s actually good therapy)! But if I have a week of crazy schedules, and no time to devote to my weekly cleaning, then I don’t sweat it. It’s not important enough to stress about!

Five ways to keep your house together when life gets crazy:

#1 – Relax! If seeing your to-do list hanging on the fridge stresses you out, throw it away. Realize that the laundry will still be around tomorrow, and the carpet will need to be vacuumed tomorrow, too. You are doing the most important thing right now – taking care of your family! Your house is lived in, so it’s going to look like it sometimes!

#2 – “Surface” cleaning is still cleaning. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to get out a bucket and scrub brush every Saturday to keep your house clean. If all you can do is sweep the kitchen and grab a damp paper towel to wipe up spills, then that’s still cleaning!

#3 – Set small goals. If you have a super tight schedule this week, then it is not the time to dig out the bucket and scrub brush. Making beds, vacuuming carpets, and washing dishes are small goals you can focus on.

Keeping up on smaller tasks on a daily basis can make your home appear clean no matter who drops by unexpectedly. 

#4 – Let the kids help. I have older kids who are easily inspired by a little cash. If it’s been over a month since my floors have been mopped, then it’s time for me to call in reinforcements. My 13 year old son and 15 year old daughter can get my house scrubbed and sparkling in just a couple hours, and they are not only happy to have accomplished something, they are thrilled to have money to spend at the mall! Don’t feel bad when delegating large cleaning tasks to your children. Parents today who don’t teach their children to complete large tasks are doing their children a great disservice. Not only does it prepare them for a real job someday, it builds character and confidence!

#5 – Don’t put your house before your relationship with God. In years past, I would allow sleepless nights with babies, crazy early mornings with toddlers, and my cleaning routine to keep me from having daily devotions with God. Once I began to make it a priority​, I realized I didn’t handle life as well without it. I was more irritable and impatient with my husband, kids, and even house chores. When I become more irritable, I started getting clumbsy, and when I was clumbsy, it took me longer to accomplish a task. Not worth it! I need my time with God every morning!

 If you are going through an exceptionally crazy time in your life and you don’t already spend mornings with the Lord, I strongly encourage you to make this your first goal!

I am in no way an expert when it comes to cleaning the house, and I am certainly no expert when it comes to keeping calm. But over the last few months, the Lord has taught me how to change my thinking about my house cleaning. He’s taught me how to do better at little goals, and to not go crazy over the things I just don’t have time for. My house might not be scrubbed, but it is still “together”. My life might still be crazy, but I am much calmer and happier.

“Let all things be done decently and in order.” – 1 Corinthians 14:40

Abundant Little Blessings

Summer is here! And despite a few minor setbacks due to my reaction to stress (anyone else allergic to stress?) and Gabe’s port failing, our family has been able to enjoy the first official week of no school. This week marks the end of phase 1 in Gabe’s treatment. Radiation and chemo begins on Monday.

Although it was hard to deal with the setbacks, I am very grateful that we experienced them.

For it was through the difficult moments that God decided to show Himself to me in abundant little ways.

“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think….” – Ephesians 3:20a

From gifts handed to us at church on Sunday, packages sent in the mail stuffed with gift cards on Tuesday, texts and email messages from friends near and far all week long, and the extraordinary kindness of neighbors, God was pretty busy this week.  Not to mention bumping into friends at parks, and hour-long phone conversations with family and friends offering hope and prayers. All of these little blessings added up to be one extraordinary message from God. He was thinking of us.

We kicked off the summer last night with the family getting ice cream after church. Since Gabe is not having any of the side effects of his chemo right now, he thought it would be a good idea to get a taste of ice cream before the chemo starts again. (I don’t know why he’s making this face, but he did it on all five pictures we took!)

Don’t underestimate God’s thoughts of you. When life gets stressful, He’s thinking of you, and He really wants you to know it!

“How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!  If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.” – Psalms 139:17‭-‬18

Blessings

I just have to share how God blessed us this week! 

After a wonderful Monday filled with family fun at the Creation Museum, we were finally getting settled into our hotel room at the Double Tree in Lawrenceburg, Kentucky. We had actually learned it was cheaper for our family to stay in a suite than in two seperate hotel rooms. The room had two queen beds and a couch that pulled out into a bed. My husband and I were busily unpacking our bags and setting up the couch bed. Our youngest boys (7 & 8 years old) were playing with their DSI’s on one of the queen beds. The game they were playing required them to shake their device as fast as they could to earn points. Unfortunatly, Curtis was a little too vigorous in his shaking, for his device came flying out of his hands and onto the 50″ flat screen TV that just happened to be turned on. The picture on the screen suddenly became distorted and dark. 

If you are a parent, I’m sure you can understand the many different feelings that my husband and I experienced in that moment. It was like we went through the five steps of grief in the matter of minutes! Denial – was the TV actually broken? Maybe it was already like that and we were just too busy to notice? Anger – how could my 7 year old have been so clumsy? How could we have been too busy to notice what was happening?  Bargaining – God, please have mercy on us, we cant afford $700! Depression – this trip would now cost us 5 times the amount we had actually set aside to spend! Acceptance – clearly it was an accident, and God knows what happened. Let’s trust God to help us. 

My son and I got on our knees and prayed together. Curtis, in tears, asked for forgiveness and for the TV to not “cost lots of money”. By the end of the prayer, my husband was calm enough to fully listen to my sons explanation, accept his humble apology, and to give a fair punishment (my husband wanted to use this situation as an example that even mistakes can have severe consequences). 

When my husband had finished talking with the hotel manager, we were relieved to find that we wouldn’t have to pay both an arm AND a leg for the broken TV! However, our hotel bill would now be three times the amount we had originally planned for. We decided the best thing to do the next day was eat a large breakfast (it was a continental breakfast), snack for lunch, and leave early enough to be able to eat a late dinner at home. This plan would require a shorter day at the Ark Encounter. 

The next morning, as we rode the bus from the parking lot to the Ark, we soon forgot our TV troubles. We were amazed at the size of the ark, and how detailed the museum was! After a couple hours of looking at displays, we turned a corner and bumped into a family we knew. After warmly greeting each other, we stood for a few minutes and had pleasant conversation. I soon realized my kids had wandered off and exscused myself to track them down. Before I walked away, the lady I was talking to put something in my hand. 

“God told me to give this to you.”

Later, my husband and I gulped down amazement and emotion as we learned she had slipped us $100! Needless to say, we enjoyed a nice lunch, were able to stay and see all of the Ark displays, and even ate dinner on the way home! 

God didn’t have to give us that money. It wasn’t necessarily a need. We would have been fine snacking on pretzels instead of feasting on hamburgers and fried chicken. Cutting back on our meals that day wouldn’t have helped pay for even half of the TV cost. It would have made my husband feel better about our finances, however, to spend $80 less that day.  

God took that opportunity to not only prove to my husband and I, but our 7-year-old son, that He was in control. That not only would He provide for our needs, but He would bless us “just because”! 

My husband and I have a renewed peace about our financial future. Worries of ” what if I can’t work a full 40 hours during chemo and radiation” and “what if I react badly to treatments and can’t work at all” have been replaced with a calm assurance that God is in control. If God is willing to provide us with lunch and dinner when it’s not necessarily a “need”, He can certainly take care of bigger financial difficulties that may come in the future. 

The Journey Continues

Several years ago I was following a Facebook page about a little girl who was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the tender age of five. Her prognosis was not good. This family’s story was so heavy on my heart, I followed it closely until the bitter end. I cried real tears of sorrow when her mom posted of her daughter’s final moments. The only comfort I was able to find in their situation was that this little girl was now in Jesus arms and pain free. 

My heart was so torn for this family I had never met, I decided I was not going to follow any other cancer stories unless I knew the family personally. I couldn’t handle that heart-wrenching, emotional rollercoaster again. Except now, I am following our own cancer story.

Two emotions I vividly remember feeling very strongly as I followed their journey were FEAR, and RELIEF. Fear that their story could become mine someday, and relief that it wasn’t my story. 

As you walk along with me, dear reader, it is my goal to help YOU share in our PEACE, JOY, LOVE, and COMFORT that our Savior has given us.

The surgeons were able to remove all the cancer during my husbands surgery. He was able to return home after 4 days of hospital care. He is healing very nicely and is planing two return to work (from home) just two weeks out of surgery! 

We were told at his follow-up appointment last week that the cancer was removed just below where they definterate between the colon and the rectrum. He actually had rectal cancer, but it is still called collorectral cancer. Cancer was also found in a lymph node. So that means he had stage 3A colorectal cancer.

There is a one in three chance of the cancer coming back without therapy. His chances improve to one in five with therapy. Studies show that at five years out from treatment, there is an 83% survival rate for patients with stage 3A colorectal cancer. This has all proved to us in our minds that chemotherapy and radiation are not optional. 

We are now preparing for Gabe’s chemotherapy to begin in a few weeks. He will have what they call “sandwiched” therapy. Two months of chemo, 2 months of radiation, and then two more months of chemo. The hardest part is not knowing what to expect. 

Schedules are difficult between Gabe’s appointments and the kids activities and appointments. We are also noticing our friendships and relationships with friends and family changing. For some, the bonds are tightening and drawing closer. Others, we notice a drawing away.  Of course, we all are riding the rollercoaster of emotions, and sometimes all we can do to keep our minds from “going to the other side” is to watch Netflix!

 This journey so far has not been easy, I won’t lie. However, there has been One Constant, One Source of strength that has not changed in our crazy lives. There is an old hymn that goes “I could not do without Thee”. If it weren’t for Jesus Christ, I certainly would have no strength to walk right now. Each time fear over the future has crept into my heart, God has sent verses of comfort to my mind. Each time I have wanted to pull my hair out with one of my kids (it wasn’t them, just me being short tempered these days) a friend would text me saying they were praying. When I start feeling weak like I just can’t walk this path, we get an invitation to dinner from close friends. When I start to think too deeply about things, my husband will get out his guitar and sing to me! People have put money in our hands, sent us gift cards, brought food to our house. We feel so undeserving of such kindness! God is always reminding me with each step up this rugged mountain path, that He’s here, and even if the worst thing I fear comes to pass, it’s going to still be OK.

“Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.” – Psalms 73:25

Up that Mountain

A light fog covered the mountain he trekked. The elders, along with his personal assistant, had come along to offer support. Yet the higher they climbed, the thicker the fog grew. The air was becoming harder to breathe. Coming to a point where they could go no further, Moses fell to his knees to catch his breath. It was then he noticed the blue, sapphire-like stone that seemed paved into the dirt. He followed the stunningly beautiful sight until his eyes reached a pair of perfct feet.  His heart burst into soaring joy and dreadful fear at the same time. 


It was God. 

In the clearing behind God, Moses could see the glorious bodies of constalations and galaxies. He felt swept up in the vision, almost as if he were floating towards the heavens. 

“Come up to me into the mount,” said God.

 Looking behind him, Moses saw many of the elders had fainted in fear. Others were flat on the ground, their faces buried in terror. He knew he had to leave them behind and finish the climb alone. After all, God had not called them to the top. 

The climb up the steep mountain was made more intense by the thick, white clouds that hung in the air. Each turn on the nonexistent path was made in apprehension for what he couldn’t see ahead. Scarpes and mud covered his legs from the stumbles he had blindly taken, yet he was not detered. He knew that God had called him and he must obey. 

The last few days have been rather lonely for me in this cold, dark hospital room. It has been cold because my husband has very hot blood and insists the thermostat stay below 65. It is dark because he has been very sleepy from the pain meds and it’s already hard enough to sleep with the beeping machines and wires and tubes everywhere. The least I can do is to leave the shades drawn and the lights off. 

I am bundled up under my soft, fluffy blanket, stretched out on a plastic couch that is pushed up against large windows. I was able to pull one shade up to just above the couch, giving me the ability to peek down from the seventh floor. Rows of evenly spaced houses peek out from among tree tops in the distance. The sun is shining brightly above, revealing tiny cars hurriedly driving down the busy street below. I can hear sirens in the distance as an ambulance pulls into view. A helicopter overhead vibrates the windows as it nears the landing pad nearby. 

Life is going on all around me. Moms are taking their kids to school and babies are crying. Employees are punching in their time cards, greeting each other after the long weekend off. I look on at the world below me in jealousy, wishing I was anywhere but here. 

Maybe we will hear today that the cancer did not spread into Gabe’s lymph nodes. Maybe he will not need treatment. Maybe we will just go home and Gabe will finish healing and life will return to normal. 

Or maybe life will get a little harder. 

I have been sitting in this hospital room feeling sorry for myself and fearful of our future. Until I read Exodus 24. God spoke to me in that chapter this morning, revealing to me in a passage I had read a hundred times, something I had never noticed before. 

God called Moses up that mountain. He tried to bring some friends along, but he ended up finishing that climb alone. We are not told how long that journey was.  He was probably scared and lonely. Once Moses reached the top, he hung out alone in the thick clouds for six days before he heard from God. Once God started to speak, He did not stop for 40 days. Moses communicated with God, saw God face to face for 40 days. 

When Moses returned to the bottom of the mountain, the children of Israel were afraid of Him. His face had changed while in the presence of God. Moses had to wear a veil over his face to hide its brightness from people. 

I may not have wanted to go up this mountain God has called my husband and I to. I may be feeling sorry for myself that we are having to climb alone. Yet, if it is at all possible to have close fellowship with God while up here and to walk away changed- well, then I think it will be worth it. Because, ” in Thy presence is fullness of joy, at Thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” – Psalm 16:11


Becoming Gold

“I councel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire.” – Revelation 3:18

The last few years I have asked God to give me a verse to be my “theme” for the new year. God has always given me something. I usually write it out on an index card and pin it to my board above my kitchen sink. This year, He gave me Revelation 3:18. I didn’t want it. I battled it in my heart. No one in their right mind would want that verse to be their theme for the following year! I wrote the verse out but didn’t hang it on my board. I left it tucked away in a drawer somewhere. The last year had been hard enough. I wasn’t planning on going through any more fires in 2017.

A year ago today, I insisted to my husband that I take him to the emergency room. A few days earlier, he had been diagnosed with a concussion, but his symptoms were worsening. He felt incredibly nauseous and he was so dizzy he couldn’t even sit in a chair.

By the end of the night, we had learned that he had a stroke.

By the end of the week we were told they also discovered a mass on his thyroid. A few months later he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

It was a long 5 months recovering from the stroke. He was off work an entire month, then worked from home a month. He then returned to modified hours for a couple months. Surgery to remove his thyroid was in July. He became so tired and it took several months to get the right balance of medication in him just so he wouldnt fall asleep driving to work. He had just told me a couple weeks ago that he was finally feeling human again. His plan to work an entire week from the office was to go into effect this week.

Tuesday we got a call from the doctor. Gabe now has colon cancer.

God was trying to prepare my heart for what He knew was about to come to us again this year. Our prayer is that they caught the cancer early and that this drama will only last a couple months. Deep inside, I know it may not be that easy. Deep inside, I fear losing my husband this time.

However, God has proven his love for me already in the last couple of days of this new journey. Scripture upon scripture has literally flooded my mind.

“In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul.” – Psalm 94:19

He has comforted me, and my soul truly is delighted. That He would speak to ME and love ME enough to comfort me each day blows my mind. Even in this new trial.

My husband begins testing next week. I will be sitting in waiting rooms again, finding friends and family to help out with my kids. I dread this path. But I have a comfort in the fact that God already knows what is ahead for my husband. He is there already. Because we are following Him.

“But He knoweth the way that I take; when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” – Job 23:16