Stand Still

Published on by Carrie Nehmer1 Comment

“And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord ,” – Exodus 14:13a

Sometimes I view my life as a swirling tornado. The wind is blowing everything around, sucking it up into it’s dark cloud. I am standing in the middle of it, my feet firmly planted to the ground, holding on to as much as I can, trying to keep everything from being swept away.

Lately I have felt a bit overwhelmed by our schedule. Nuerologist, cardiologist, PCP, oncologist, endocrinologist, chiropractor, orthodandist, dermatologist, dentist, chemotherapy, radiation – just to name a few things that have taken up my time in recent weeks. Let’s not forget laundry, house cleaning, library trips, grocery store trips, post office trips, trips to the school office, forgotten-lunch-runs, piano lessons, basketball, soccer, volleyball, school programs, baby showers, bridal showers, sports tryouts, field trips – please, someone stop me!

Those are the physical things that can tend to be overwhelming. Now let’s talk about the emotional stuff.

There is the fear that seems to rear it’s ugly head into my thoughts every so often. Fear that my husbands cancer will spread to stage 4, or show up in five years to surprise us again.

Another emotional drainer is the battle with being content. Remembering we are where God put us right now, and that He will continue to take care of us, is something I need to do daily.

I have two teenagers at home. That is also another emotional strain. They at times will bring me along for a drama-filled roller coaster ride! My two grade-school boys are still trying to understand “why can’t we go camping” and “why can’t daddy play basketball with us”?

I don’t believe any of these “objects” that I mentioned that are swirling around in my stormy life are much different from anyone elses.

Maybe your storm isn’t illness. Maybe it’s a struggling marriage or a wayward child. You may be struggling financially or have a big life-changing decision to make.

Sometimes when it all starts getting crazy, I find that I’m trying to hold on to as much as I can, hoping it doesn’t fly away into the storm. It is in some of those moments, when I feel that things are slipping from my grasp, that I  can’t help but ask, “is God really in my storm?” 

Yes, He’s here. In fact, He’s on top of the storm. He is in the whirlwind, directing it’s path.

“…the Lord hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.” – Nahum 1:3

I have learned the hard way, that I can’t hold on to everything. I have to let some things get swept away into the storming clouds. I can’t keep my house as clean as I used to or have my perfect laundry schedule and get my husband to all his appointments. I mean, I could, and then I would go crazy! Sometimes, I have to tell my kids “sorry, but I just can’t take you to that thing you want to do”.  I mean, I could, but then I might go crazy!

Sometimes I just need to stand still in that storm, my feet planted firmly into the ground, and watch everything I am trying to hold onto, be swept away into those swirling clouds.

Standing still in a storm is not easy to do. Yet, if we make ourselves do it, and listen to God’s voice, we can see God riding the storm.

“Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” – Psalms 46:10

And then – when we have finally stopped trying to hold our lives together on our own, and we are standing there watching the storm destroy everything – only then, does God move in and bring peace.

“And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” – Mark 4:39

Perfect Love

Published on by Carrie NehmerLeave a comment

When I first met Gabe, one of the first things I noticed about him were his broad, strong shoulders. Back in those days (that I fondly call our “thin and trim years”), my husband loved to go to the gym. Even now, when he grabs me to pull me into his arms for a hug, I find myself surprised by his strength. And of course we have the old-fashioned husband-and-wife relationship where I hand him the brand new jar of pickles to open and let him carry heavy boxes for me!

Just like any couple who has been married over a year, my love for my husband has grown and changed.  I’ve seen things about his character that have made me love him even more deeply.

I know. This is getting too mushy.

I guess my point is, that this cancer journey has made me see a strength in Gabe that I have grown to admire more than his muscles.

How can someone who has stage 3 cancer be so positive? How does he have such peace about his future? How is he able to focus only on today? How is it that fear seems to not even be a part of my husband’s vocabulary?

I, on the other hand, feel as though I am desperately fighting fear on a daily basis. I am the one that lays awake at night, fear causing my stomach to churn.  I am the one who is grumpy at everyone the next day because I didn’t sleep the night before.

Fear. It makes me obsessive. It paralyzes me.  It controls me. It lies to me. It makes me crazy. It effects every other area of my life.

Why is it that fear can hurt your body and make you sick? Why is it that fear can keep you awake at night? How can it keep you a prisoner in your own home, or in your own mind? Fear can torment you!

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” – 1 John 4:18

Jesus did the most perfect thing on Calvary. He was the perfect Lamb, sacrificed for our sins. He showed perfect love.

Reading the accounts of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, I used to believe Jesus was afraid to die. However, I recently realized that if His love was perfect, He couldn’t have been afraid, and we know Jesus is perfect.

“And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.  And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” – Luke 22:43‭-‬44 

“And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” – Matthew 26:39

Jesus was very sorrowful, and in a great deal of distress. It doesn’t mention fear, however. How was Jesus not fearful?!

…nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

Perfect love is the key! Jesus had perfect love. Perfect love casts out fear. Even in His distress and sorrow, Jesus had perfect love for His Father. He trusted His Father, and submitted to His will. Jesus was able to get up off the ground in that garden, and walk towards impending doom. Without fear.

I believe my husband has figured out perfect love. He has figured out that it’s worth it to surrender to the Father’s will. He sleeps pretty well at night. He’s not bogged down by worry of how he’s going to react to the next treatment or if his cancer will one day spread to other organs.

He is not being tormented by his cancer.

I need to daily practice perfect love and trusting the Father’s will, knowing that only then, can I find peace and rest.

“O Love, that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.”

There IS HOPE! 

Published on by Carrie Nehmer1 Comment

Have you found yourself in a place that you never thought you would be? Have you been told that there’s no hope of a future? Do you feel despair at the thought of how to even deal with this news? Are you fearful of what the following weeks and months will hold? Are you struggling with decisions that need to be made and don’t know where turn?

If you are truly desperate for real answers, please continue to read this post. Even if it begins to feel a little awkward, just keep reading. What I am about to share with you is something that changed my life, and my husband’s life, as well. There IS HOPE!

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. I am 38, he is 46. We have four beautiful children, ages 7, 8, 13, and 15.  My husband is a software engineer, in a career that has been full-speed ahead our entire marriage.

In January of 2016, my husband had a stroke. It effected his balance and he had to take two months off work. One of the imaging tests he had done for the stroke came back showing my husband had a tumor on his thyroid. A few months later we learned it was cancer. He quickly had surgery and then the radioactive iodine treatment.

He was beginning to heal and by December was feeling much better. Except, he was starting to have bowl discomfort. He had a colonoscopy in December, right before Christmas. In January of 2017, it was revealed to us that he had colon cancer. After his surgery in February, we were told stage III rectal Cancer.  My husband is in the beginning of his chemo treatments, and soon will be starting radiation. He is only able to work 25 hours a week from home, going in to the office one day a week.

Many people have asked my husband “how can you be so positive? How are you not afraid of your future?” My husband has a peace that no one really understands.

He tells those who ask, that it is because he knows that if the worst thing happens, and he dies, it still would be the best thing. He will spend eternity in Heaven with Jesus Christ.

You see, my husband believes the Bible to actually be God’s love letter to mankind. He believes that God created us so we could fellowship with Him.

“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” – Revelation 3:20

However, because of sin, we have built a barrier between us and God.

“But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.” – Isaiah 59:2

God never intended for us to be alone. No matter how hard He tried to make it possible for mankind to follow His laws and to make atonement for our sins, we kept failing.

“For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.” – James 2:10

“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” – Romans

 3:23

 

 

Realizing there was only one final option to save us all from eternity in Hell, God made the ultimate sacrifice. He sacrificed His only Son, Jesus Christ. He allowed Jesus to become the only atonement ever again needed.

“Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:  Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.” – Romans 3:24‭, ‬28

“Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.” – John

 1:29b

 

 

How do we recieved atonement for our sins? How do we know we can go to Heaven? It’s so simple. You just need to ask God.

“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.  For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” – Romans 10:9‭-‬10

In your own words, ask God to use Jesus’ blood as an attonement your sins. Tell Him you believe Jesus died on the cross. Ask Jesus to come into your heart and life. Believe in Him!

No, doing this won’t change your diagnosis or life’s circumstances​ that has caused your desperate search for answers. However, you can have complete assurance of where you will go when you do die.

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,  Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38‭-‬39

You can claim Gods promise of peace, as you walk through this terrible journey. You have God’s promise to walk with you!

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” – Psalms

 23:4

 

 

Dear reader, if you have somehow stumbled upon this post and find you want more answers, please visit this website from my church (hopetoledo.org), or leave me a comment below!

You don’t have to be on this journey alone. There is a God and He loves you. He wants to walk with you and comfort you, give you peace.

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7
He wants to recieved you into His arms once you have taken your final breath. He wants you to know that you are desperately loved!

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16

Don’t Worry…

Published on by Carrie NehmerLeave a comment

Years ago, when I was a sophomore in highschool, my youth group was planning a missions trip to Europe. The night before I was to board the plane, my family decided to watch a movie together. Someone thought it would be awesome to watch “Alive”, a movie about how a plane crash survivor took extreme measures to stay alive. Needles to say, I was more than a little worried getting on that plane the next day. As it was my first time flying, I think the more appropriate word would be “terrified”!

In case you are wondering if it’s normal for me to worry, the answer would be a resounding YES!  For example, when the tornado sirens go off, even if the sun is shining, I’m going to head to the basement. Not only will I go to the basement, but I will take the weather radio and my phone, so I can be sure I know EXACTLY where that tornado is, and what street it’s heading towards. I will want to know how long the warning is to last, and what damage the tornado made before getting to my house!

So when we found out my husband had colon cancer, of course, being the worrier I am, I began to do in-depth research. I read every website there is to read, every brochure from every doctor’s office we went to. I went to the library and checked out books on cancer, cancer diets, and juicing for cancer. Not only did I want to know exactly what we were up against, I wanted to know exactly what would be expected of me as my husband’s caregiver. I found a private support group for colon cancer patients and their caregivers on Facebook. I organized the growing stack of office visit summaries and test results into a large binder, along with lists of  my husbands medications and doctors.

Along with all that organization and research, I began to notice a headache that wouldn’t go away. I often felt nauseous, and when anyone would touch me on my shoulders, my muscles were so tight that I would cry out in pain. I also began to notice being short tempered with my kids.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.” – Corrie Ten Boom

This quote is actually pinned up on my board above my kitchen sink. You would think I would have learned this lesson by now, being as it has been hanging there for a few years. However, I’m finding that some of life’s lessons can only be learned by going through valleys.
Worrying about my husband’s colon cancer has not changed the course of treatment he is recieving. It has not made me feel better about the fact he has cancer. It has not drawn us closer together, or endeared my children to me more. It has not helped me clean my house faster, keep up with the laundry, treck all over town for the numerous doctor’s appointments, or minister in my church any better.

Worry hasn’t given me one thing (well, besides a headache).

Worrying has, however, taken away the gift of peace God had given me. It stole away some of the hope I had for this turning out all good in the end. It took away some of the joy I once felt over the many gifts God has given us. It zapped me of energy I needed to clean and cook and run errands for my family.

 

 

 

“Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?” – Matthew 6:27

Gabe’s second infusion didn’t go so great. His muscles in his legs began cramping before the treatment was even completed. It was painful for him to walk, and he could only manage to limp around for several days. The muscles in his hands cramped so much he could barely hold on to the rails when going up and down stairs.

As I was trying to process all these changes that happened so quickly in my husband’s body, I felt my stomach begin to clench with worry.

Would he be able to finish treatments? What would his prognosis be if he couldn’t manage treatments?

After a few days of watching my husband limp around the house, flexing his fingers to stretch out muscle cramps, and rub his jaw because of the pain of chewing his food, I had became a huge knot of stress.

A friend who has been through this with her husband texted me to see how I was doing.

I asked her: “How did you manage the stress when your husband was so sick?”

Her reply: “I didn’t think about it. I just did what needed doing. Don’t think about the stuff you can’t change. Refuse.”

As I am writing this blog post today, I’m feeling like a hypocrite. I have experience with living with worry, but not with conqouring it. However, I’m going to refuse to think about what I can’t change. To refuse to carry burdens that the Lord has offered to take. To remember how good God is to me, and that He can be glorified by this walk in the valley.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28 

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7


PS: Gabe is feeling much better. Most of the side effects wore off after a week. 

 

Contentment Amid Chaos

Published on by Carrie Nehmer6 Comments

When I was single, I thought the only thing that would make me truly happy was to get married and start my own family. I struggled daily with feelings of discontentment and frustration because not only was there no boyfriend in my life, I didn’t even have a prospect!

Then I met and fell madly in love with a guy named Gabe, and we got married. Finally!!  I was content…except, well,  I got the baby itch! I just KNEW the only thing that would really make me truly content was to have a baby! It only took a few sleepless nights with a screaming infant to realize that a baby was not the source to true contentment!

Over the years I have learned that contentment does not come from how many kids you have, how much money you make, how big your house is, or wether you drive a mini van or an SUV.

This is actually a hard thing for me to grasp even now.

We are still living in the first house we ever bought. It’s a cute little house in a neighborhood that is starting to go a little “ghetto”.

We had great plans to fix up our house when we first moved in,  but we just never found the extra money to set aside for it. We were so busy raising our 4 kids, it just wasn’t that high on the priority list. Now that our kids are a bit older, those things that needed fixing 14 years ago are in even worse shape now. I have counters that you dare not place an egg on our you will be cleaning up the floor.  Out of the many doors in our house, only one doesn’t have a large hole in it. Don’t even get me started on my bathroom!

Yes, I struggle with being content with my house. I really, really want to move. Moving isn’t possible until we fix it up and sell it first.

The week after Christmas, we had our kitchen measured for new cabinets and our floors measured for new carpet and laminate! After years of talking and planning, sacrifice, and hard work, we finally walked into the bank on a sunny January day, to look at our options for a home improvement loan. I could hardly contain my excitement!

As I was starting our dinner that night, my mind was racing with color schemes and decoration ideas. Kids clattering through the house with toys along with the melodic notes of my daughter playing the piano, easily made the ringing house phone  unnoticeable.  A few minutes later my husband urgently called me upstairs to our room. I had never seen him so distressed. I started to get annoyed. Was he getting cold feet about investing money in our house?

“I have cancer. Again.”

“What?”

“Carrie, that was the doctor. I have colon cancer.”

Time seemed to slow down. I could hear my heart beat roaring in my ears. Then I lost control and cried my heart out. My husband held me, shock rippling through his body. Finally, I realized the wrong person was comforting the wrong person. I realized I was dangling over the edge of a full-fledged panic attack. I finally regained my self-control.

“God has got us through so much this last year. Why should we lose hope now? It’s going to be OK. No matter what, it’s going to be OK.”

My words echoed through my mind, trying to find a place in my heart to rest.

It’s March now, and everything is still OK. Gabe had a successful surgery. He is one cycle into his chemo treatments. Side effects from the chemo were there, but tolerable.

God has provided each and every need, and beyond. He has given us peace that we have a hard time explaining to others. We even have been able to forget sometimes that Gabe even has cancer.

It’s funny how circumstances in our life can cause us to be content where we once struggled. How things that seemed so urgent just a few days ago are now nearly forgotten.

Ok, do I still want to move? Um…yes. Do I still want my house fixed up?  Yup. Do I ever think about how close I came to getting my house fixed up before the door slammed in my face? You betcha. In fact, I was even doing a little complaining to my dear friend the other day about it. Being the dear friend she is, she sharpened this old piece of iron by saying, “Carrie don’t let the Devil steal God’s victory from you.”

The fact of the matter is, contentment is a long roller coaster ride. One day, you can be focused on living your life to please God and you don’t struggle one bit with being content. You actually feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for what you do have. The next day, you might go to IKEA, and well, your eyes get off focus from what God has already done and you may slope into days of discontentment and ungratefulness.

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. – Philippians 4:11

If I can keep my eyes focused on what God HAS done (taken care of my husband through a stroke and thyroid cancer), and what God IS doing (taken care of every single need as we now face colon cancer), I can be content with knowing He has my future in His hands. I can trust Him. I can be content, even in the midst of chaos.

But godliness with contentment is great gain. – 1 Timothy 6:6

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*If you enjoyed this article, please consider following my blog! I publish new articles once every week (or two). Don’t forget to scroll down and check out other recent articles on how we have managed to cling to God’s promises on our recent “storm” of life.

Blessings

Published on by Carrie Nehmer1 Comment

I just have to share how God blessed us this week! 

After a wonderful Monday filled with family fun at the Creation Museum, we were finally getting settled into our hotel room at the Double Tree in Lawrenceburg, Kentucky. We had actually learned it was cheaper for our family to stay in a suite than in two seperate hotel rooms. The room had two queen beds and a couch that pulled out into a bed. My husband and I were busily unpacking our bags and setting up the couch bed. Our youngest boys (7 & 8 years old) were playing with their DSI’s on one of the queen beds. The game they were playing required them to shake their device as fast as they could to earn points. Unfortunatly, Curtis was a little too vigorous in his shaking, for his device came flying out of his hands and onto the 50″ flat screen TV that just happened to be turned on. The picture on the screen suddenly became distorted and dark. 

If you are a parent, I’m sure you can understand the many different feelings that my husband and I experienced in that moment. It was like we went through the five steps of grief in the matter of minutes! Denial – was the TV actually broken? Maybe it was already like that and we were just too busy to notice? Anger – how could my 7 year old have been so clumsy? How could we have been too busy to notice what was happening?  Bargaining – God, please have mercy on us, we cant afford $700! Depression – this trip would now cost us 5 times the amount we had actually set aside to spend! Acceptance – clearly it was an accident, and God knows what happened. Let’s trust God to help us. 

My son and I got on our knees and prayed together. Curtis, in tears, asked for forgiveness and for the TV to not “cost lots of money”. By the end of the prayer, my husband was calm enough to fully listen to my sons explanation, accept his humble apology, and to give a fair punishment (my husband wanted to use this situation as an example that even mistakes can have severe consequences). 

When my husband had finished talking with the hotel manager, we were relieved to find that we wouldn’t have to pay both an arm AND a leg for the broken TV! However, our hotel bill would now be three times the amount we had originally planned for. We decided the best thing to do the next day was eat a large breakfast (it was a continental breakfast), snack for lunch, and leave early enough to be able to eat a late dinner at home. This plan would require a shorter day at the Ark Encounter. 

The next morning, as we rode the bus from the parking lot to the Ark, we soon forgot our TV troubles. We were amazed at the size of the ark, and how detailed the museum was! After a couple hours of looking at displays, we turned a corner and bumped into a family we knew. After warmly greeting each other, we stood for a few minutes and had pleasant conversation. I soon realized my kids had wandered off and exscused myself to track them down. Before I walked away, the lady I was talking to put something in my hand. 

“God told me to give this to you.”

Later, my husband and I gulped down amazement and emotion as we learned she had slipped us $100! Needless to say, we enjoyed a nice lunch, were able to stay and see all of the Ark displays, and even ate dinner on the way home! 

God didn’t have to give us that money. It wasn’t necessarily a need. We would have been fine snacking on pretzels instead of feasting on hamburgers and fried chicken. Cutting back on our meals that day wouldn’t have helped pay for even half of the TV cost. It would have made my husband feel better about our finances, however, to spend $80 less that day.  

God took that opportunity to not only prove to my husband and I, but our 7-year-old son, that He was in control. That not only would He provide for our needs, but He would bless us “just because”! 

My husband and I have a renewed peace about our financial future. Worries of ” what if I can’t work a full 40 hours during chemo and radiation” and “what if I react badly to treatments and can’t work at all” have been replaced with a calm assurance that God is in control. If God is willing to provide us with lunch and dinner when it’s not necessarily a “need”, He can certainly take care of bigger financial difficulties that may come in the future. 

Through the Valley

Published on by Carrie NehmerLeave a comment

“The only way to get through the valley is to go through the valley.” – Gabe Nehmer (my husband)

Our family of six is presently all packed like sardines into our van. We are on a short road trip to Cincinnati to visit the Creation Museum. We have only had to roll down the windows three times (come on people, I have 3 boys) on this three hour drive, so I feel we are doing pretty good!

Gabe had the procedure last week to have the port put in for the infusion part of his treatments. It went well and he is healing up nicely. Chemo and infusion starts this Thursday.

We celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary this weekend by sneaking away for an hour to get Cold Stone Ice cream. It’s a huge accomplishment when you can sneak ice cream past 4 kids!

Usually we schedule a weekend getaway for our anniversaries. Spend a couple days hidden away from the stress of life, work, and children where we only focus on earch other.  This year we decided to take a family trip, instead. With Gabe starting treatments we weren’t sure if we would be able to go camping this summer. We didn’t want to wait for spring break to plan something, either. We just aren’t sure how Gabe will respond to his treatments. So, we pulled the kids out of school for two days, packed a few bags, and piled in the van this morning, headed on our family adventure.

Saturday was such a great day, I had actually forgotten about our troubles. As we were getting ready for bed, I happened to walk in the bedroom where my husband was changing his shirt. I saw all his scars from his last three surgeries. He was still bruised from IV’s from the last procedure. Tears quickly came to my eyes as reality hit me in the face again.

As we talked that night before bed, my husband said something that to me, seemed very profound. “The only way to get through the valley is to go through the valley.” What is the point of feeling sorry for ourselves while in the valley? It’s not going to make it shorter or happier. We still will have to go through it. What will make it easier is to remember we are not alone, the Shepherd is leading us.

The Journey Continues

Published on by Carrie NehmerLeave a comment

Several years ago I was following a Facebook page about a little girl who was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the tender age of five. Her prognosis was not good. This family’s story was so heavy on my heart, I followed it closely until the bitter end. I cried real tears of sorrow when her mom posted of her daughter’s final moments. The only comfort I was able to find in their situation was that this little girl was now in Jesus arms and pain free. 

My heart was so torn for this family I had never met, I decided I was not going to follow any other cancer stories unless I knew the family personally. I couldn’t handle that heart-wrenching, emotional rollercoaster again. Except now, I am following our own cancer story.

Two emotions I vividly remember feeling very strongly as I followed their journey were FEAR, and RELIEF. Fear that their story could become mine someday, and relief that it wasn’t my story. 

As you walk along with me, dear reader, it is my goal to help YOU share in our PEACE, JOY, LOVE, and COMFORT that our Savior has given us.

The surgeons were able to remove all the cancer during my husbands surgery. He was able to return home after 4 days of hospital care. He is healing very nicely and is planing two return to work (from home) just two weeks out of surgery! 

We were told at his follow-up appointment last week that the cancer was removed just below where they definterate between the colon and the rectrum. He actually had rectal cancer, but it is still called collorectral cancer. Cancer was also found in a lymph node. So that means he had stage 3A colorectal cancer.

There is a one in three chance of the cancer coming back without therapy. His chances improve to one in five with therapy. Studies show that at five years out from treatment, there is an 83% survival rate for patients with stage 3A colorectal cancer. This has all proved to us in our minds that chemotherapy and radiation are not optional. 

We are now preparing for Gabe’s chemotherapy to begin in a few weeks. He will have what they call “sandwiched” therapy. Two months of chemo, 2 months of radiation, and then two more months of chemo. The hardest part is not knowing what to expect. 

Schedules are difficult between Gabe’s appointments and the kids activities and appointments. We are also noticing our friendships and relationships with friends and family changing. For some, the bonds are tightening and drawing closer. Others, we notice a drawing away.  Of course, we all are riding the rollercoaster of emotions, and sometimes all we can do to keep our minds from “going to the other side” is to watch Netflix!

 This journey so far has not been easy, I won’t lie. However, there has been One Constant, One Source of strength that has not changed in our crazy lives. There is an old hymn that goes “I could not do without Thee”. If it weren’t for Jesus Christ, I certainly would have no strength to walk right now. Each time fear over the future has crept into my heart, God has sent verses of comfort to my mind. Each time I have wanted to pull my hair out with one of my kids (it wasn’t them, just me being short tempered these days) a friend would text me saying they were praying. When I start feeling weak like I just can’t walk this path, we get an invitation to dinner from close friends. When I start to think too deeply about things, my husband will get out his guitar and sing to me! People have put money in our hands, sent us gift cards, brought food to our house. We feel so undeserving of such kindness! God is always reminding me with each step up this rugged mountain path, that He’s here, and even if the worst thing I fear comes to pass, it’s going to still be OK.

“Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.” – Psalms 73:25

Up that Mountain

Published on by Carrie NehmerLeave a comment

A light fog covered the mountain he trekked. The elders, along with his personal assistant, had come along to offer support. Yet the higher they climbed, the thicker the fog grew. The air was becoming harder to breathe. Coming to a point where they could go no further, Moses fell to his knees to catch his breath. It was then he noticed the blue, sapphire-like stone that seemed paved into the dirt. He followed the stunningly beautiful sight until his eyes reached a pair of perfct feet.  His heart burst into soaring joy and dreadful fear at the same time. 


It was God. 

In the clearing behind God, Moses could see the glorious bodies of constalations and galaxies. He felt swept up in the vision, almost as if he were floating towards the heavens. 

“Come up to me into the mount,” said God.

 Looking behind him, Moses saw many of the elders had fainted in fear. Others were flat on the ground, their faces buried in terror. He knew he had to leave them behind and finish the climb alone. After all, God had not called them to the top. 

The climb up the steep mountain was made more intense by the thick, white clouds that hung in the air. Each turn on the nonexistent path was made in apprehension for what he couldn’t see ahead. Scarpes and mud covered his legs from the stumbles he had blindly taken, yet he was not detered. He knew that God had called him and he must obey. 

The last few days have been rather lonely for me in this cold, dark hospital room. It has been cold because my husband has very hot blood and insists the thermostat stay below 65. It is dark because he has been very sleepy from the pain meds and it’s already hard enough to sleep with the beeping machines and wires and tubes everywhere. The least I can do is to leave the shades drawn and the lights off. 

I am bundled up under my soft, fluffy blanket, stretched out on a plastic couch that is pushed up against large windows. I was able to pull one shade up to just above the couch, giving me the ability to peek down from the seventh floor. Rows of evenly spaced houses peek out from among tree tops in the distance. The sun is shining brightly above, revealing tiny cars hurriedly driving down the busy street below. I can hear sirens in the distance as an ambulance pulls into view. A helicopter overhead vibrates the windows as it nears the landing pad nearby. 

Life is going on all around me. Moms are taking their kids to school and babies are crying. Employees are punching in their time cards, greeting each other after the long weekend off. I look on at the world below me in jealousy, wishing I was anywhere but here. 

Maybe we will hear today that the cancer did not spread into Gabe’s lymph nodes. Maybe he will not need treatment. Maybe we will just go home and Gabe will finish healing and life will return to normal. 

Or maybe life will get a little harder. 

I have been sitting in this hospital room feeling sorry for myself and fearful of our future. Until I read Exodus 24. God spoke to me in that chapter this morning, revealing to me in a passage I had read a hundred times, something I had never noticed before. 

God called Moses up that mountain. He tried to bring some friends along, but he ended up finishing that climb alone. We are not told how long that journey was.  He was probably scared and lonely. Once Moses reached the top, he hung out alone in the thick clouds for six days before he heard from God. Once God started to speak, He did not stop for 40 days. Moses communicated with God, saw God face to face for 40 days. 

When Moses returned to the bottom of the mountain, the children of Israel were afraid of Him. His face had changed while in the presence of God. Moses had to wear a veil over his face to hide its brightness from people. 

I may not have wanted to go up this mountain God has called my husband and I to. I may be feeling sorry for myself that we are having to climb alone. Yet, if it is at all possible to have close fellowship with God while up here and to walk away changed- well, then I think it will be worth it. Because, ” in Thy presence is fullness of joy, at Thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” – Psalm 16:11


Courageously Waiting

Published on by Carrie NehmerLeave a comment

Sitting in a dark (and cold) hospital room, I’m watching my husband sleep. The wires and tubes poking out of him are a new and unwelcome reminder of how fragile life can be. Yet, in his weakened state I can only see his strength. This man is one of the strongest I know. 

It was just a few weeks ago he was holding me as I sobbed in his arms. He was comforting ME about the fact he had cancer again. When he had the excuse to stay home from church (its not every day your pastor tells you skipping church is a good idea!) he insisted on going. When the very first person to “comfort” him told him about her father who died of colon cancer, he just laughed about it. When his nurse told him to stay home and away from peo0le until after his surgery, he still got up the next morning and went to work. He didn’t want to leave his boss or coworkers in a bind.

This man went to see his son play basketball, joked with other parents, and yelled across the court. He sang a duet with his wife and with the tenors in the choir. His smile still came easy and he never once lost his dry sense of humor (to my childrens dismay)!

He had his rough moments when he thought no one was watching. When the worry and fear wrinkled his forehead and a few tears slipped down his cheeks. His smile didn’t reach his eyes as he watched our children playing. Painful as those moments were to watch, it was never long before I would see the strength take over. The wrinkles would smooth away. He would dry up those escaped tears, and that smile would finally reach his eyes. 

“How are you not depressed or on medication for depression,” asked a nurse in the admitting room. “You have been through so much in the last year,” she said.

“God has been good to me,” replied my husband. “They wouldn’t have known about the thyroid cancer if I hadn’t had the stoke. They wouldn’t have found the colon cancer if the blood thinners didn’t make me bleed. God has been so good to me, how can I do anything other than to keep trusting Him?”

After two weeks of agony, we found out the cancer had not spread to any other of my husbands organs. We will find out next week if the cancer has spread to any lymph nodes.

“Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the Lord.” Psalm 27:14

Courageously waiting is something we are called on by God to do. In return He has promised strength. 

Watching my husband sleep today,God revealed a precious promise to me. It was not my husbands strength I was seeing. He was just waiting on God. It was God’s strength that I, and everyone around him was seeing.