Category: Devotion

Contentment Amid Chaos

Published on by Carrie Nehmer6 Comments

When I was single, I thought the only thing that would make me truly happy was to get married and start my own family. I struggled daily with feelings of discontentment and frustration because not only was there no boyfriend in my life, I didn’t even have a prospect!

Then I met and fell madly in love with a guy named Gabe, and we got married. Finally!!  I was content…except, well,  I got the baby itch! I just KNEW the only thing that would really make me truly content was to have a baby! It only took a few sleepless nights with a screaming infant to realize that a baby was not the source to true contentment!

Over the years I have learned that contentment does not come from how many kids you have, how much money you make, how big your house is, or wether you drive a mini van or an SUV.

This is actually a hard thing for me to grasp even now.

We are still living in the first house we ever bought. It’s a cute little house in a neighborhood that is starting to go a little “ghetto”.

We had great plans to fix up our house when we first moved in,  but we just never found the extra money to set aside for it. We were so busy raising our 4 kids, it just wasn’t that high on the priority list. Now that our kids are a bit older, those things that needed fixing 14 years ago are in even worse shape now. I have counters that you dare not place an egg on our you will be cleaning up the floor.  Out of the many doors in our house, only one doesn’t have a large hole in it. Don’t even get me started on my bathroom!

Yes, I struggle with being content with my house. I really, really want to move. Moving isn’t possible until we fix it up and sell it first.

The week after Christmas, we had our kitchen measured for new cabinets and our floors measured for new carpet and laminate! After years of talking and planning, sacrifice, and hard work, we finally walked into the bank on a sunny January day, to look at our options for a home improvement loan. I could hardly contain my excitement!

As I was starting our dinner that night, my mind was racing with color schemes and decoration ideas. Kids clattering through the house with toys along with the melodic notes of my daughter playing the piano, easily made the ringing house phone  unnoticeable.  A few minutes later my husband urgently called me upstairs to our room. I had never seen him so distressed. I started to get annoyed. Was he getting cold feet about investing money in our house?

“I have cancer. Again.”

“What?”

“Carrie, that was the doctor. I have colon cancer.”

Time seemed to slow down. I could hear my heart beat roaring in my ears. Then I lost control and cried my heart out. My husband held me, shock rippling through his body. Finally, I realized the wrong person was comforting the wrong person. I realized I was dangling over the edge of a full-fledged panic attack. I finally regained my self-control.

“God has got us through so much this last year. Why should we lose hope now? It’s going to be OK. No matter what, it’s going to be OK.”

My words echoed through my mind, trying to find a place in my heart to rest.

It’s March now, and everything is still OK. Gabe had a successful surgery. He is one cycle into his chemo treatments. Side effects from the chemo were there, but tolerable.

God has provided each and every need, and beyond. He has given us peace that we have a hard time explaining to others. We even have been able to forget sometimes that Gabe even has cancer.

It’s funny how circumstances in our life can cause us to be content where we once struggled. How things that seemed so urgent just a few days ago are now nearly forgotten.

Ok, do I still want to move? Um…yes. Do I still want my house fixed up?  Yup. Do I ever think about how close I came to getting my house fixed up before the door slammed in my face? You betcha. In fact, I was even doing a little complaining to my dear friend the other day about it. Being the dear friend she is, she sharpened this old piece of iron by saying, “Carrie don’t let the Devil steal God’s victory from you.”

The fact of the matter is, contentment is a long roller coaster ride. One day, you can be focused on living your life to please God and you don’t struggle one bit with being content. You actually feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for what you do have. The next day, you might go to IKEA, and well, your eyes get off focus from what God has already done and you may slope into days of discontentment and ungratefulness.

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. – Philippians 4:11

If I can keep my eyes focused on what God HAS done (taken care of my husband through a stroke and thyroid cancer), and what God IS doing (taken care of every single need as we now face colon cancer), I can be content with knowing He has my future in His hands. I can trust Him. I can be content, even in the midst of chaos.

But godliness with contentment is great gain. – 1 Timothy 6:6

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Up that Mountain

Published on by Carrie NehmerLeave a comment

A light fog covered the mountain he trekked. The elders, along with his personal assistant, had come along to offer support. Yet the higher they climbed, the thicker the fog grew. The air was becoming harder to breathe. Coming to a point where they could go no further, Moses fell to his knees to catch his breath. It was then he noticed the blue, sapphire-like stone that seemed paved into the dirt. He followed the stunningly beautiful sight until his eyes reached a pair of perfct feet.  His heart burst into soaring joy and dreadful fear at the same time. 


It was God. 

In the clearing behind God, Moses could see the glorious bodies of constalations and galaxies. He felt swept up in the vision, almost as if he were floating towards the heavens. 

“Come up to me into the mount,” said God.

 Looking behind him, Moses saw many of the elders had fainted in fear. Others were flat on the ground, their faces buried in terror. He knew he had to leave them behind and finish the climb alone. After all, God had not called them to the top. 

The climb up the steep mountain was made more intense by the thick, white clouds that hung in the air. Each turn on the nonexistent path was made in apprehension for what he couldn’t see ahead. Scarpes and mud covered his legs from the stumbles he had blindly taken, yet he was not detered. He knew that God had called him and he must obey. 

The last few days have been rather lonely for me in this cold, dark hospital room. It has been cold because my husband has very hot blood and insists the thermostat stay below 65. It is dark because he has been very sleepy from the pain meds and it’s already hard enough to sleep with the beeping machines and wires and tubes everywhere. The least I can do is to leave the shades drawn and the lights off. 

I am bundled up under my soft, fluffy blanket, stretched out on a plastic couch that is pushed up against large windows. I was able to pull one shade up to just above the couch, giving me the ability to peek down from the seventh floor. Rows of evenly spaced houses peek out from among tree tops in the distance. The sun is shining brightly above, revealing tiny cars hurriedly driving down the busy street below. I can hear sirens in the distance as an ambulance pulls into view. A helicopter overhead vibrates the windows as it nears the landing pad nearby. 

Life is going on all around me. Moms are taking their kids to school and babies are crying. Employees are punching in their time cards, greeting each other after the long weekend off. I look on at the world below me in jealousy, wishing I was anywhere but here. 

Maybe we will hear today that the cancer did not spread into Gabe’s lymph nodes. Maybe he will not need treatment. Maybe we will just go home and Gabe will finish healing and life will return to normal. 

Or maybe life will get a little harder. 

I have been sitting in this hospital room feeling sorry for myself and fearful of our future. Until I read Exodus 24. God spoke to me in that chapter this morning, revealing to me in a passage I had read a hundred times, something I had never noticed before. 

God called Moses up that mountain. He tried to bring some friends along, but he ended up finishing that climb alone. We are not told how long that journey was.  He was probably scared and lonely. Once Moses reached the top, he hung out alone in the thick clouds for six days before he heard from God. Once God started to speak, He did not stop for 40 days. Moses communicated with God, saw God face to face for 40 days. 

When Moses returned to the bottom of the mountain, the children of Israel were afraid of Him. His face had changed while in the presence of God. Moses had to wear a veil over his face to hide its brightness from people. 

I may not have wanted to go up this mountain God has called my husband and I to. I may be feeling sorry for myself that we are having to climb alone. Yet, if it is at all possible to have close fellowship with God while up here and to walk away changed- well, then I think it will be worth it. Because, ” in Thy presence is fullness of joy, at Thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” – Psalm 16:11